程序代写代做代考 Excel file system gui database flex cache Java mips scheme chain compiler In the Beginning was the Command Line

This crud is called HTML (HyperText Markup Language) and it is basically a very
simple programming language instructing your web browser how to draw a page on a
screen. Anyone can learn HTML and many people do. The important thing is that no
matter what splendid multimedia web pages they might represent, HTML files are just
telegrams.

When Ronald Reagan was a radio announcer, he used to call baseball games by
reading the terse descriptions that trickled in over the telegraph wire and were printed
out on a paper tape. He would sit there, all by himself in a padded room with a
microphone, and the paper tape would eke out of the machine and crawl over the palm
of his hand printed with cryptic abbreviations. If the count went to three and two,
Reagan would describe the scene as he saw it in his mind’s eye: “The brawny left-
hander steps out of the batter’s box to wipe the sweat from his brow. The umpire steps
forward to sweep the dirt from home plate.” and so on. When the cryptogram on the
paper tape announced a base hit, he would whack the edge of the table with a pencil,
creating a little sound effect, and describe the arc of the ball as if he could actually see
it. His listeners, many of whom presumably thought that Reagan was actually at the
ballpark watching the game, would reconstruct the scene in their minds according to
his descriptions.

7

3 GUIS

This is exactly how the World Wide Web works: the HTML files are the pithy
description on the paper tape, and your Web browser is Ronald Reagan. The same is
true of Graphical User Interfaces in general.

So an OS is a stack of metaphors and abstractions that stands between you and the
telegrams, and embodying various tricks the programmer used to convert the informa-
tion you’re working with–be it images, e-mail messages, movies, or word processing
documents–into the necklaces of bytes that are the only things computers know how
to work with. When we used actual telegraph equipment (teletypes) or their higher-
tech substitutes (“glass teletypes,” or the MS-DOS command line) to work with our
computers, we were very close to the bottom of that stack. When we use most modern
operating systems, though, our interaction with the machine is heavily mediated. Ev-
erything we do is interpreted and translated time and again as it works its way down
through all of the metaphors and abstractions.

The Macintosh OS was a revolution in both the good and bad senses of that word.
Obviously it was true that command line interfaces were not for everyone, and that it
would be a good thing to make computers more accessible to a less technical audience–
if not for altruistic reasons, then because those sorts of people constituted an incom-
parably vaster market. It was clear the the Mac’s engineers saw a whole new country
stretching out before them; you could almost hear them muttering, “Wow! We don’t
have to be bound by files as linear streams of bytes anymore, vive la revolution, let’s
see how far we can take this!” No command line interface was available on the Mac-
intosh; you talked to it with the mouse, or not at all. This was a statement of sorts, a
credential of revolutionary purity. It seemed that the designers of the Mac intended to
sweep Command Line Interfaces into the dustbin of history.

My own personal love affair with the Macintosh began in the spring of 1984 in
a computer store in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, when a friend of mine–coincidentally, the
son of the MGB owner–showed me a Macintosh running MacPaint, the revolutionary
drawing program. It ended in July of 1995 when I tried to save a big important file
on my Macintosh Powerbook and instead instead of doing so, it annihilated the data
so thoroughly that two different disk crash utility programs were unable to find any
trace that it had ever existed. During the intervening ten years, I had a passion for the
MacOS that seemed righteous and reasonable at the time but in retrospect strikes me
as being exactly the same sort of goofy infatuation that my friend’s dad had with his
car.

The introduction of the Mac triggered a sort of holy war in the computer world.
Were GUIs a brilliant design innovation that made computers more human-centered
and therefore accessible to the masses, leading us toward an unprecedented revolution
in human society, or an insulting bit of audiovisual gimcrackery dreamed up by flaky
Bay Area hacker types that stripped computers of their power and flexibility and turned
the noble and serious work of computing into a childish video game?

This debate actually seems more interesting to me today than it did in the mid-
1980s. But people more or less stopped debating it when Microsoft endorsed the idea
of GUIs by coming out with the first Windows. At this point, command-line partisans
were relegated to the status of silly old grouches, and a new conflict was touched off,
between users of MacOS and users of Windows.

There was plenty to argue about. The first Macintoshes looked different from
other PCs even when they were turned off: they consisted of one box containing both

8

3 GUIS

CPU (the part of the computer that does arithmetic on bits) and monitor screen. This
was billed, at the time, as a philosophical statement of sorts: Apple wanted to make the
personal computer into an appliance, like a toaster. But it also reflected the purely tech-
nical demands of running a graphical user interface. In a GUI machine, the chips that
draw things on the screen have to be integrated with the computer’s central processing
unit, or CPU, to a far greater extent than is the case with command-line interfaces,
which until recently didn’t even know that they weren’t just talking to teletypes.

This distinction was of a technical and abstract nature, but it became clearer when
the machine crashed (it is commonly the case with technologies that you can get the
best insight about how they work by watching them fail). When everything went to
hell and the CPU began spewing out random bits, the result, on a CLI machine, was
lines and lines of perfectly formed but random characters on the screen–known to
cognoscenti as “going Cyrillic.” But to the MacOS, the screen was not a teletype, but
a place to put graphics; the image on the screen was a bitmap, a literal rendering of the
contents of a particular portion of the computer’s memory. When the computer crashed
and wrote gibberish into the bitmap, the result was something that looked vaguely like
static on a broken television set–a “snow crash.”

And even after the introduction of Windows, the underlying differences endured;
when a Windows machine got into trouble, the old command-line interface would fall
down over the GUI like an asbestos fire curtain sealing off the proscenium of a burning
opera. When a Macintosh got into trouble it presented you with a cartoon of a bomb,
which was funny the first time you saw it.

And these were by no means superficial differences. The reversion of Windows
to a CLI when it was in distress proved to Mac partisans that Windows was nothing
more than a cheap facade, like a garish afghan flung over a rotted-out sofa. They
were disturbed and annoyed by the sense that lurking underneath Windows’ ostensibly
user-friendly interface was–literally–a subtext.

For their part, Windows fans might have made the sour observation that all com-
puters, even Macintoshes, were built on that same subtext, and that the refusal of Mac
owners to admit that fact to themselves seemed to signal a willingness, almost an ea-
gerness, to be duped.

Anyway, a Macintosh had to switch individual bits in the memory chips on the
video card, and it had to do it very fast, and in arbitrarily complicated patterns. Nowa-
days this is cheap and easy, but in the technological regime that prevailed in the early
1980s, the only realistic way to do it was to build the motherboard (which contained
the CPU) and the video system (which contained the memory that was mapped onto
the screen) as a tightly integrated whole–hence the single, hermetically sealed case
that made the Macintosh so distinctive.

When Windows came out, it was conspicuous for its ugliness, and its current suc-
cessors, Windows 95 and Windows NT, are not things that people would pay money
to look at either. Microsoft’s complete disregard for aesthetics gave all of us Mac-
lovers plenty of opportunities to look down our noses at them. That Windows looked
an awful lot like a direct ripoff of MacOS gave us a burning sense of moral outrage
to go with it. Among people who really knew and appreciated computers (hackers,
in Steven Levy’s non-pejorative sense of that word) and in a few other niches such as
professional musicians, graphic artists and schoolteachers, the Macintosh, for a while,
was simply the computer. It was seen as not only a superb piece of engineering, but

9

4 CLASS STRUGGLE ON THE DESKTOP

an embodiment of certain ideals about the use of technology to benefit mankind, while
Windows was seen as a pathetically clumsy imitation and a sinister world domination
plot rolled into one. So very early, a pattern had been established that endures to this
day: people dislike Microsoft, which is okay; but they dislike it for reasons that are
poorly considered, and in the end, self-defeating.

4 CLASS STRUGGLE ON THE DESKTOP

Now that the Third Rail has been firmly grasped, it is worth reviewing some basic facts
here: like any other publicly traded, for-profit corporation, Microsoft has, in effect,
borrowed a bunch of money from some people (its stockholders) in order to be in the
bit business. As an officer of that corporation, Bill Gates has one responsibility only,
which is to maximize return on investment. He has done this incredibly well. Any
actions taken in the world by Microsoft-any software released by them, for example–
are basically epiphenomena, which can’t be interpreted or understood except insofar
as they reflect Bill Gates’s execution of his one and only responsibility.

It follows that if Microsoft sells goods that are aesthetically unappealing, or that
don’t work very well, it does not mean that they are (respectively) philistines or half-
wits. It is because Microsoft’s excellent management has figured out that they can
make more money for their stockholders by releasing stuff with obvious, known im-
perfections than they can by making it beautiful or bug-free. This is annoying, but (in
the end) not half so annoying as watching Apple inscrutably and relentlessly destroy
itself.

Hostility towards Microsoft is not difficult to find on the Net, and it blends two
strains: resentful people who feel Microsoft is too powerful, and disdainful people
who think it’s tacky. This is all strongly reminiscent of the heyday of Communism
and Socialism, when the bourgeoisie were hated from both ends: by the proles, be-
cause they had all the money, and by the intelligentsia, because of their tendency to
spend it on lawn ornaments. Microsoft is the very embodiment of modern high-tech
prosperity–it is, in a word, bourgeois–and so it attracts all of the same gripes.

The opening “splash screen” for Microsoft Word 6.0 summed it up pretty neatly:
when you started up the program you were treated to a picture of an expensive enamel
pen lying across a couple of sheets of fancy-looking handmade writing paper. It was
obviously a bid to make the software look classy, and it might have worked for some,
but it failed for me, because the pen was a ballpoint, and I’m a fountain pen man.
If Apple had done it, they would’ve used a Mont Blanc fountain pen, or maybe a
Chinese calligraphy brush. And I doubt that this was an accident. Recently I spent a
while re-installing Windows NT on one of my home computers, and many times had
to double-click on the “Control Panel” icon. For reasons that are difficult to fathom,
this icon consists of a picture of a clawhammer and a chisel or screwdriver resting on
top of a file folder.

These aesthetic gaffes give one an almost uncontrollable urge to make fun of Mi-
crosoft, but again, it is all beside the point–if Microsoft had done focus group testing
of possible alternative graphics, they probably would have found that the average mid-
level office worker associated fountain pens with effete upper management toffs and
was more comfortable with ballpoints. Likewise, the regular guys, the balding dads of

10

4 CLASS STRUGGLE ON THE DESKTOP

the world who probably bear the brunt of setting up and maintaining home comput-
ers, can probably relate better to a picture of a clawhammer–while perhaps harboring
fantasies of taking a real one to their balky computers.

This is the only way I can explain certain peculiar facts about the current market for
operating systems, such as that ninety percent of all customers continue to buy station
wagons off the Microsoft lot while free tanks are there for the taking, right across the
street.

A string of ones and zeroes was not a difficult thing for Bill Gates to distribute,
one he’d thought of the idea. The hard part was selling it–reassuring customers that
they were actually getting something in return for their money.

Anyone who has ever bought a piece of software in a store has had the curiously
deflating experience of taking the bright shrink-wrapped box home, tearing it open,
finding that it’s 95 percent air, throwing away all the little cards, party favors, and bits
of trash, and loading the disk into the computer. The end result (after you’ve lost the
disk) is nothing except some images on a computer screen, and some capabilities that
weren’t there before. Sometimes you don’t even have that–you have a string of error
messages instead. But your money is definitely gone. Now we are almost accustomed
to this, but twenty years ago it was a very dicey business proposition. Bill Gates made
it work anyway. He didn’t make it work by selling the best software or offering the
cheapest price. Instead he somehow got people to believe that they were receiving
something in exchange for their money.

The streets of every city in the world are filled with those hulking, rattling station
wagons. Anyone who doesn’t own one feels a little weird, and wonders, in spite of
himself, whether it might not be time to cease resistance and buy one; anyone who
does, feels confident that he has acquired some meaningful possession, even on those
days when the vehicle is up on a lift in an auto repair shop.

All of this is perfectly congruent with membership in the bourgeoisie, which is as
much a mental, as a material state. And it explains why Microsoft is regularly attacked,
on the Net, from both sides. People who are inclined to feel poor and oppressed
construe everything Microsoft does as some sinister Orwellian plot. People who like
to think of themselves as intelligent and informed technology users are driven crazy
by the clunkiness of Windows.

Nothing is more annoying to sophisticated people to see someone who is rich
enough to know better being tacky–unless it is to realize, a moment later, that they
probably know they are tacky and they simply don’t care and they are going to go on
being tacky, and rich, and happy, forever. Microsoft therefore bears the same rela-
tionship to the Silicon Valley elite as the Beverly Hillbillies did to their fussy banker,
Mr. Drysdale–who is irritated not so much by the fact that the Clampetts moved to
his neighborhood as by the knowledge that, when Jethro is seventy years old, he’s still
going to be talking like a hillbilly and wearing bib overalls, and he’s still going to be a
lot richer than Mr. Drysdale.

Even the hardware that Windows ran on, when compared to the machines put out
by Apple, looked like white-trash stuff, and still mostly does. The reason was that
Apple was and is a hardware company, while Microsoft was and is a software com-
pany. Apple therefore had a monopoly on hardware that could run MacOS, whereas
Windows-compatible hardware came out of a free market. The free market seems to
have decided that people will not pay for cool-looking computers; PC hardware mak-

11

4 CLASS STRUGGLE ON THE DESKTOP

ers who hire designers to make their stuff look distinctive get their clocks cleaned
by Taiwanese clone makers punching out boxes that look as if they belong on cin-
derblocks in front of someone’s trailer. But Apple could make their hardware as pretty
as they wanted to and simply pass the higher prices on to their besotted consumers,
like me. Only last week (I am writing this sentence in early Jan. 1999) the technology
sections of all the newspapers were filled with adulatory press coverage of how Apple
had released the iMac in several happenin’ new colors like Blueberry and Tangerine.

Apple has always insisted on having a hardware monopoly, except for a brief pe-
riod in the mid-1990s when they allowed clone-makers to compete with them, before
subsequently putting them out of business. Macintosh hardware was, consequently,
expensive. You didn’t open it up and fool around with it because doing so would void
the warranty. In fact the first Mac was specifically designed to be difficult to open–
you needed a kit of exotic tools, which you could buy through little ads that began to
appear in the back pages of magazines a few months after the Mac came out on the
market. These ads always had a certain disreputable air about them, like pitches for
lock-picking tools in the backs of lurid detective magazines.

This monopolistic policy can be explained in at least three different ways.
THE CHARITABLE EXPLANATION is that the hardware monopoly policy re-

flected a drive on Apple’s part to provide a seamless, unified blending of hardware,
operating system, and software. There is something to this. It is hard enough to make
an OS that works well on one specific piece of hardware, designed and tested by en-
gineers who work down the hallway from you, in the same company. Making an OS
to work on arbitrary pieces of hardware, cranked out by rabidly entrepeneurial clone-
makers on the other side of the International Date Line, is very difficult, and accounts
for much of the troubles people have using Windows.

THE FINANCIAL EXPLANATION is that Apple, unlike Microsoft, is and always
has been a hardware company. It simply depends on revenue from selling hardware,
and cannot exist without it.

THE NOT-SO-CHARITABLE EXPLANATION has to do with Apple’s corporate
culture, which is rooted in Bay Area Baby Boomdom.

Now, since I’m going to talk for a moment about culture, full disclosure is prob-
ably in order, to protect myself against allegations of conflict of interest and ethical
turpitude: (1) Geographically I am a Seattleite, of a Saturnine temperament, and in-
clined to take a sour view of the Dionysian Bay Area, just as they tend to be annoyed
and appalled by us. (2) Chronologically I am a post-Baby Boomer. I feel that way,
at least, because I never experienced the fun and exciting parts of the whole Boomer
scene–just spent a lot of time dutifully chuckling at Boomers’ maddeningly pointless
anecdotes about just how stoned they got on various occasions, and politely fielding
their assertions about how great their music was. But even from this remove it was
possible to glean certain patterns, and one that recurred as regularly as an urban legend
was the one about how someone would move into a commune populated by sandal-
wearing, peace-sign flashing flower children, and eventually discover that, underneath
this facade, the guys who ran it were actually control freaks; and that, as living in
a commune, where much lip service was paid to ideals of peace, love and harmony,
had deprived them of normal, socially approved outlets for their control-freakdom, it
tended to come out in other, invariably more sinister, ways.

Applying this to the case of Apple Computer will be left as an exercise for the

12

5 HONEY-POT, TAR-PIT, WHATEVER

reader, and not a very difficult exercise.
It is a bit unsettling, at first, to think of Apple as a control freak, because it is

completely at odds with their corporate image. Weren’t these the guys who aired the
famous Super Bowl ads showing suited, blindfolded executives marching like lem-
mings off a cliff? Isn’t this the company that even now runs ads picturing the Dalai
Lama (except in Hong Kong) and Einstein and other offbeat rebels?

It is indeed the same company, and the fact that they have been able to plant this
image of themselves as creative and rebellious free-thinkers in the minds of so many
intelligent and media-hardened skeptics really gives one pause. It is testimony to the
insidious power of expensive slick ad campaigns and, perhaps, to a certain amount of
wishful thinking in the minds of people who fall for them. It also raises the question
of why Microsoft is so bad at PR, when the history of Apple demonstrates that, by
writing large checks to good ad agencies, you can plant a corporate image in the minds
of intelligent people that is completely at odds with reality. (The answer, for people
who don’t like Damoclean questions, is that since Microsoft has won the hearts and
minds of the silent majority–the bourgeoisie–they don’t give a damn about having
a slick image, any more then Dick Nixon did. “I want to believe,”–the mantra that
Fox Mulder has pinned to his office wall in The X-Files–applies in different ways to
these two companies; Mac partisans want to believe in the image of Apple purveyed in
those ads, and in the notion that Macs are somehow fundamentally different from other
computers, while Windows people want to believe that they are getting something for
their money, engaging in a respectable business transaction).

In any event, as of 1987, both MacOS and Windows were out on the market, run-
ning on hardware platforms that were radically different from each other–not only in
the sense that MacOS used Motorola CPU chips while Windows used Intel, but in
the sense–then overlooked, but in the long run, vastly more significant–that the Ap-
ple hardware business was a rigid monopoly and the Windows side was a churning
free-for-all.

But the full ramifications of this did not become clear until very recently–in fact,
they are still unfolding, in remarkably strange ways, as I’ll explain when we get to
Linux. The upshot is that millions of people got accustomed to using GUIs in one form
or another. By doing so, they made Apple/Microsoft a lot of money. The fortunes of
many people have become bound up with the ability of these companies to continue
selling products whose salability is very much open to question.

5 HONEY-POT, TAR-PIT, WHATEVER

When Gates and Allen invented the idea of selling software, they ran into criticism
from both hackers and sober-sided businesspeople. Hackers understood that software
was just information, and objected to the idea of selling it. These objections were partly
moral. The hackers were coming out of the scientific and academic world where it is
imperative to make the results of one’s work freely available to the public. They were
also partly practical; how can you sell something that can be easily copied? Business-
people, who are polar opposites of hackers in so many ways, had objections of their
own. Accustomed to selling toasters and insurance policies, they naturally had a dif-
ficult time understanding how a long collection of ones and zeroes could constitute a

13

5 HONEY-POT, TAR-PIT, WHATEVER

salable product.
Obviously Microsoft prevailed over these objections, and so did Apple. But the

objections still exist. The most hackerish of all the hackers, the Ur-hacker as it were,
was and is Richard Stallman, who became so annoyed with the evil practice of selling
software that, in 1984 (the same year that the Macintosh went on sale) he went off
and founded something called the Free Software Foundation, which commenced work
on something called GNU. Gnu is an acronym for Gnu’s Not Unix, but this is a joke
in more ways than one, because GNU most certainly IS Unix,. Because of trademark
concerns (“Unix” is trademarked by AT&T) they simply could not claim that it was
Unix, and so, just to be extra safe, they claimed that it wasn’t. Notwithstanding the
incomparable talent and drive possessed by Mr. Stallman and other GNU adherents,
their project to build a free Unix to compete against Microsoft and Apple’s OSes was
a little bit like trying to dig a subway system with a teaspoon. Until, that is, the advent
of Linux, which I will get to later.

But the basic idea of re-creating an operating system from scratch was perfectly
sound and completely doable. It has been done many times. It is inherent in the very
nature of operating systems.

Operating systems are not strictly necessary. There is no reason why a sufficiently
dedicated coder could not start from nothing with every project and write fresh code
to handle such basic, low-level operations as controlling the read/write heads on the
disk drives and lighting up pixels on the screen. The very first computers had to be
programmed in this way. But since nearly every program needs to carry out those same
basic operations, this approach would lead to vast duplication of effort.

Nothing is more disagreeable to the hacker than duplication of effort. The first and
most important mental habit that people develop when they learn how to write com-
puter programs is to generalize, generalize, generalize. To make their code as modular
and flexible as possible, breaking large problems down into small subroutines that can
be used over and over again in different contexts. Consequently, the development of
operating systems, despite being technically unnecessary, was inevitable. Because at
its heart, an operating system is nothing more than a library containing the most com-
monly used code, written once (and hopefully written well) and then made available
to every coder who needs it.

So a proprietary, closed, secret operating system is a contradiction in terms. It
goes against the whole point of having an operating system. And it is impossible
to keep them secret anyway. The source code–the original lines of text written by the
programmers–can be kept secret. But an OS as a whole is a collection of small subrou-
tines that do very specific, very clearly defined jobs. Exactly what those subroutines
do has to be made public, quite explicitly and exactly, or else the OS is completely
useless to programmers; they can’t make use of those subroutines if they don’t have a
complete and perfect understanding of what the subroutines do.

The only thing that isn’t made public is exactly how the subroutines do what they
do. But once you know what a subroutine does, it’s generally quite easy (if you are
a hacker) to write one of your own that does exactly the same thing. It might take a
while, and it is tedious and unrewarding, but in most cases it’s not really hard.

What’s hard, in hacking as in fiction, is not writing; it’s deciding what to write. And
the vendors of commercial OSes have already decided, and published their decisions.

This has been generally understood for a long time. MS-DOS was duplicated,

14

5 HONEY-POT, TAR-PIT, WHATEVER

functionally, by a rival product, written from scratch, called ProDOS, that did all of
the same things in pretty much the same way. In other words, another company was
able to write code that did all of the same things as MS-DOS and sell it at a profit. If
you are using the Linux OS, you can get a free program called WINE which is a win-
dows emulator; that is, you can open up a window on your desktop that runs windows
programs. It means that a completely functional Windows OS has been recreated in-
side of Unix, like a ship in a bottle. And Unix itself, which is vastly more sophisticated
than MS-DOS, has been built up from scratch many times over. Versions of it are sold
by Sun, Hewlett-Packard, AT&T, Silicon Graphics, IBM, and others.

People have, in other words, been re-writing basic OS code for so long that all
of the technology that constituted an “operating system” in the traditional (pre-GUI)
sense of that phrase is now so cheap and common that it’s literally free. Not only could
Gates and Allen not sell MS-DOS today, they could not even give it away, because
much more powerful OSes are already being given away. Even the original Windows
(which was the only windows until 1995) has become worthless, in that there is no
point in owning something that can be emulated inside of Linux–which is, itself, free.

In this way the OS business is very different from, say, the car business. Even an
old rundown car has some value. You can use it for making runs to the dump, or strip
it for parts. It is the fate of manufactured goods to slowly and gently depreciate as they
get old and have to compete against more modern products.

But it is the fate of operating systems to become free.
Microsoft is a great software applications company. Applications–such as Mi-

crosoft Word–are an area where innovation brings real, direct, tangible benefits to
users. The innovations might be new technology straight from the research depart-
ment, or they might be in the category of bells and whistles, but in any event they are
frequently useful and they seem to make users happy. And Microsoft is in the process
of becoming a great research company. But Microsoft is not such a great operating
systems company. And this is not necessarily because their operating systems are all
that bad from a purely technological standpoint. Microsoft’s OSes do have their prob-
lems, sure, but they are vastly better than they used to be, and they are adequate for
most people.

Why, then, do I say that Microsoft is not such a great operating systems company?
Because the very nature of operating systems is such that it is senseless for them to
be developed and owned by a specific company. It’s a thankless job to begin with.
Applications create possibilities for millions of credulous users, whereas OSes impose
limitations on thousands of grumpy coders, and so OS-makers will forever be on the
shit-list of anyone who counts for anything in the high-tech world. Applications get
used by people whose big problem is understanding all of their features, whereas OSes
get hacked by coders who are annoyed by their limitations. The OS business has been
good to Microsoft only insofar as it has given them the money they needed to launch
a really good applications software business and to hire a lot of smart researchers.
Now it really ought to be jettisoned, like a spent booster stage from a rocket. The big
question is whether Microsoft is capable of doing this. Or is it addicted to OS sales in
the same way as Apple is to selling hardware?

Keep in mind that Apple’s ability to monopolize its own hardware supply was once
cited, by learned observers, as a great advantage over Microsoft. At the time, it seemed
to place them in a much stronger position. In the end, it nearly killed them, and may

15

6 THE TECHNOSPHERE

kill them yet. The problem, for Apple, was that most of the world’s computer users
ended up owning cheaper hardware. But cheap hardware couldn’t run MacOS, and so
these people switched to Windows.

Replace “hardware” with “operating systems,” and “Apple” with “Microsoft” and
you can see the same thing about to happen all over again. Microsoft dominates the OS
market, which makes them money and seems like a great idea for now. But cheaper
and better OSes are available, and they are growingly popular in parts of the world
that are not so saturated with computers as the US. Ten years from now, most of the
world’s computer users may end up owning these cheaper OSes. But these OSes do
not, for the time being, run any Microsoft applications, and so these people will use
something else.

To put it more directly: every time someone decides to use a non-Microsoft OS,
Microsoft’s OS division, obviously, loses a customer. But, as things stand now, Mi-
crosoft’s applications division loses a customer too. This is not such a big deal as
long as almost everyone uses Microsoft OSes. But as soon as Windows’ market share
begins to slip, the math starts to look pretty dismal for the people in Redmond.

This argument could be countered by saying that Microsoft could simply re-compile
its applications to run under other OSes. But this strategy goes against most normal
corporate instincts. Again the case of Apple is instructive. When things started to go
south for Apple, they should have ported their OS to cheap PC hardware. But they
didn’t. Instead, they tried to make the most of their brilliant hardware, adding new
features and expanding the product line. But this only had the effect of making their
OS more dependent on these special hardware features, which made it worse for them
in the end.

Likewise, when Microsoft’s position in the OS world is threatened, their corporate
instincts will tell them to pile more new features into their operating systems, and then
re-jigger their software applications to exploit those special features. But this will only
have the effect of making their applications dependent on an OS with declining market
share, and make it worse for them in the end.

The operating system market is a death-trap, a tar-pit, a slough of despond. There
are only two reasons to invest in Apple and Microsoft. (1) each of these companies is in
what we would call a co-dependency relationship with their customers. The customers
Want To Believe, and Apple and Microsoft know how to give them what they want.
(2) each company works very hard to add new features to their OSes, which works to
secure customer loyalty, at least for a little while.

Accordingly, most of the remainder of this essay will be about those two topics.

6 THE TECHNOSPHERE

Unix is the only OS remaining whose GUI (a vast suite of code called the X Windows
System) is separate from the OS in the old sense of the phrase. This is to say that
you can run Unix in pure command-line mode if you want to, with no windows, icons,
mouses, etc. whatsoever, and it will still be Unix and capable of doing everything
Unix is supposed to do. But the other OSes: MacOS, the Windows family, and BeOS,
have their GUIs tangled up with the old-fashioned OS functions to the extent that they
have to run in GUI mode, or else they are not really running. So it’s no longer really

16

6 THE TECHNOSPHERE

possible to think of GUIs as being distinct from the OS; they’re now an inextricable
part of the OSes that they belong to–and they are by far the largest part, and by far the
most expensive and difficult part to create.

There are only two ways to sell a product: price and features. When OSes are free,
OS companies cannot compete on price, and so they compete on features. This means
that they are always trying to outdo each other writing code that, until recently, was
not considered to be part of an OS at all: stuff like GUIs. This explains a lot about how
these companies behave.

It explains why Microsoft added a browser to their OS, for example. It is easy to
get free browsers, just as to get free OSes. If browsers are free, and OSes are free, it
would seem that there is no way to make money from browsers or OSes. But if you
can integrate a browser into the OS and thereby imbue both of them with new features,
you have a salable product.

Setting aside, for the moment, the fact that this makes government anti-trust lawyers
really mad, this strategy makes sense. At least, it makes sense if you assume (as Mi-
crosoft’s management appears to) that the OS has to be protected at all costs. The real
question is whether every new technological trend that comes down the pike ought to
be used as a crutch to maintain the OS’s dominant position. Confronted with the Web
phenomenon, Microsoft had to develop a really good web browser, and they did. But
then they had a choice: they could have made that browser work on many different
OSes, which would give Microsoft a strong position in the Internet world no matter
what happened to their OS market share. Or they could make the browser one with the
OS, gambling that this would make the OS look so modern and sexy that it would help
to preserve their dominance in that market. The problem is that when Microsoft’s OS
position begins to erode (and since it is currently at something like ninety percent, it
can’t go anywhere but down) it will drag everything else down with it.

In your high school geology class you probably were taught that all life on earth
exists in a paper-thin shell called the biosphere, which is trapped between thousands
of miles of dead rock underfoot, and cold dead radioactive empty space above. Com-
panies that sell OSes exist in a sort of technosphere. Underneath is technology that
has already become free. Above is technology that has yet to be developed, or that is
too crazy and speculative to be productized just yet. Like the Earth’s biosphere, the
technosphere is very thin compared to what is above and what is below.

But it moves a lot faster. In various parts of our world, it is possible to go and
visit rich fossil beds where skeleton lies piled upon skeleton, recent ones on top and
more ancient ones below. In theory they go all the way back to the first single-celled
organisms. And if you use your imagination a bit, you can understand that, if you
hang around long enough, you’ll become fossilized there too, and in time some more
advanced organism will become fossilized on top of you.

The fossil record–the La Brea Tar Pit–of software technology is the Internet. Any-
thing that shows up there is free for the taking (possibly illegal, but free). Execu-
tives at companies like Microsoft must get used to the experience–unthinkable in other
industries–of throwing millions of dollars into the development of new technologies,
such as Web browsers, and then seeing the same or equivalent software show up on the
Internet two years, or a year, or even just a few months, later.

By continuing to develop new technologies and add features onto their products
they can keep one step ahead of the fossilization process, but on certain days they

17

7 THE INTERFACE CULTURE

must feel like mammoths caught at La Brea, using all their energies to pull their feet,
over and over again, out of the sucking hot tar that wants to cover and envelop them.

Survival in this biosphere demands sharp tusks and heavy, stomping feet at one
end of the organization, and Microsoft famously has those. But trampling the other
mammoths into the tar can only keep you alive for so long. The danger is that in their
obsession with staying out of the fossil beds, these companies will forget about what
lies above the biosphere: the realm of new technology. In other words, they must hang
onto their primitive weapons and crude competitive instincts, but also evolve powerful
brains. This appears to be what Microsoft is doing with its research division, which has
been hiring smart people right and left (Here I should mention that although I know,
and socialize with, several people in that company’s research division, we never talk
about business issues and I have little to no idea what the hell they are up to. I have
learned much more about Microsoft by using the Linux operating system than I ever
would have done by using Windows).

Never mind how Microsoft used to make money; today, it is making its money on
a kind of temporal arbitrage. “Arbitrage,” in the usual sense, means to make money by
taking advantage of differences in the price of something between different markets.
It is spatial, in other words, and hinges on the arbitrageur knowing what is going on
simultaneously in different places. Microsoft is making money by taking advantage of
differences in the price of technology in different times. Temporal arbitrage, if I may
coin a phrase, hinges on the arbitrageur knowing what technologies people will pay
money for next year, and how soon afterwards those same technologies will become
free. What spatial and temporal arbitrage have in common is that both hinge on the
arbitrageur’s being extremely well-informed; one about price gradients across space at
a given time, and the other about price gradients over time in a given place.

So Apple/Microsoft shower new features upon their users almost daily, in the hopes
that a steady stream of genuine technical innovations, combined with the “I want to be-
lieve” phenomenon, will prevent their customers from looking across the road towards
the cheaper and better OSes that are available to them. The question is whether this
makes sense in the long run. If Microsoft is addicted to OSes as Apple is to hardware,
then they will bet the whole farm on their OSes, and tie all of their new applications
and technologies to them. Their continued survival will then depend on these two
things: adding more features to their OSes so that customers will not switch to the
cheaper alternatives, and maintaining the image that, in some mysterious way, gives
those customers the feeling that they are getting something for their money.

The latter is a truly strange and interesting cultural phenomenon.

7 THE INTERFACE CULTURE

A few years ago I walked into a grocery store somewhere and was presented with the
following tableau vivant: near the entrance a young couple were standing in front of
a large cosmetics display. The man was stolidly holding a shopping basket between
his hands while his mate raked blister-packs of makeup off the display and piled them
in. Since then I’ve always thought of that man as the personification of an interesting
human tendency: not only are we not offended to be dazzled by manufactured images,
but we like it. We practically insist on it. We are eager to be complicit in our own

18

7 THE INTERFACE CULTURE

dazzlement: to pay money for a theme park ride, vote for a guy who’s obviously lying
to us, or stand there holding the basket as it’s filled up with cosmetics.

I was in Disney World recently, specifically the part of it called the Magic King-
dom, walking up Main Street USA. This is a perfect gingerbready Victorian small
town that culminates in a Disney castle. It was very crowded; we shuffled rather than
walked. Directly in front of me was a man with a camcorder. It was one of the new
breed of camcorders where instead of peering through a viewfinder you gaze at a flat-
panel color screen about the size of a playing card, which televises live coverage of
whatever the camcorder is seeing. He was holding the appliance close to his face, so
that it obstructed his view. Rather than go see a real small town for free, he had paid
money to see a pretend one, and rather than see it with the naked eye he was watching
it on television.

And rather than stay home and read a book, I was watching him.
Americans’ preference for mediated experiences is obvious enough, and I’m not

going to keep pounding it into the ground. I’m not even going to make snotty com-
ments about it–after all, I was at Disney World as a paying customer. But it clearly
relates to the colossal success of GUIs and so I have to talk about it some. Disney does
mediated experiences better than anyone. If they understood what OSes are, and why
people use them, they could crush Microsoft in a year or two.

In the part of Disney World called the Animal Kingdom there is a new attraction,
slated to open in March 1999, called the Maharajah Jungle Trek. It was open for
sneak previews when I was there. This is a complete stone-by-stone reproduction of a
hypothetical ruin in the jungles of India. According to its backstory, it was built by a
local rajah in the 16th Century as a game reserve. He would go there with his princely
guests to hunt Bengal tigers. As time went on it fell into disrepair and the tigers and
monkeys took it over; eventually, around the time of India’s independence, it became
a government wildlife reserve, now open to visitors.

The place looks more like what I have just described than any actual building you
might find in India. All the stones in the broken walls are weathered as if monsoon
rains had been trickling down them for centuries, the paint on the gorgeous murals
is flaked and faded just so, and Bengal tigers loll amid stumps of broken columns.
Where modern repairs have been made to the ancient structure, they’ve been done, not
as Disney’s engineers would do them, but as thrifty Indian janitors would–with hunks
of bamboo and rust-spotted hunks of rebar. The rust is painted on, or course, and
protected from real rust by a plastic clear-coat, but you can’t tell unless you get down
on your knees.

In one place you walk along a stone wall with a series of old pitted friezes carved
into it. One end of the wall has broken off and settled into the earth, perhaps because
of some long-forgotten earthquake, and so a broad jagged crack runs across a panel
or two, but the story is still readable: first, primordial chaos leads to a flourishing of
many animal species. Next, we see the Tree of Life surrounded by diverse animals.
This is an obvious allusion (or, in showbiz lingo, a tie-in) to the gigantic Tree of Life
that dominates the center of Disney’s Animal Kingdom just as the Castle dominates
the Magic Kingdom or the Sphere does Epcot. But it’s rendered in historically correct
style and could probably fool anyone who didn’t have a Ph.D. in Indian art history.

The next panel shows a mustachioed H. sapiens chopping down the Tree of Life
with a scimitar, and the animals fleeing every which way. The one after that shows

19

7 THE INTERFACE CULTURE

the misguided human getting walloped by a tidal wave, part of a latter-day Deluge
presumably brought on by his stupidity.

The final panel, then, portrays the Sapling of Life beginning to grow back, but now
Man has ditched the edged weapon and joined the other animals in standing around to
adore and praise it.

It is, in other words, a prophecy of the Bottleneck: the scenario, commonly es-
poused among modern-day environmentalists, that the world faces an upcoming pe-
riod of grave ecological tribulations that will last for a few decades or centuries and
end when we find a new harmonious modus vivendi with Nature.

Taken as a whole the frieze is a pretty brilliant piece of work. Obviously it’s not
an ancient Indian ruin, and some person or people now living deserve credit for it.
But there are no signatures on the Maharajah’s game reserve at Disney World. There
are no signatures on anything, because it would ruin the whole effect to have long
strings of production credits dangling from every custom-worn brick, as they do from
Hollywood movies.

Among Hollywood writers, Disney has the reputation of being a real wicked step-
mother. It’s not hard to see why. Disney is in the business of putting out a product
of seamless illusion–a magic mirror that reflects the world back better than it really
is. But a writer is literally talking to his or her readers, not just creating an ambience
or presenting them with something to look at; and just as the command-line interface
opens a much more direct and explicit channel from user to machine than the GUI, so
it is with words, writer, and reader.

The word, in the end, is the only system of encoding thoughts–the only medium–
that is not fungible, that refuses to dissolve in the devouring torrent of electronic media
(the richer tourists at Disney World wear t-shirts printed with the names of famous
designers, because designs themselves can be bootlegged easily and with impunity.
The only way to make clothing that cannot be legally bootlegged is to print copyrighted
and trademarked words on it; once you have taken that step, the clothing itself doesn’t
really matter, and so a t-shirt is as good as anything else. T-shirts with expensive words
on them are now the insignia of the upper class. T-shirts with cheap words, or no words
at all, are for the commoners).

But this special quality of words and of written communication would have the
same effect on Disney’s product as spray-painted graffiti on a magic mirror. So Disney
does most of its communication without resorting to words, and for the most part, the
words aren’t missed. Some of Disney’s older properties, such as Peter Pan, Winnie the
Pooh, and Alice in Wonderland, came out of books. But the authors’ names are rarely if
ever mentioned, and you can’t buy the original books at the Disney store. If you could,
they would all seem old and queer, like very bad knockoffs of the purer, more authentic
Disney versions. Compared to more recent productions like Beauty and the Beast and
Mulan, the Disney movies based on these books (particularly Alice in Wonderland
and Peter Pan) seem deeply bizarre, and not wholly appropriate for children. That
stands to reason, because Lewis Carroll and J.M. Barrie were very strange men, and
such is the nature of the written word that their personal strangeness shines straight
through all the layers of Disneyfication like x-rays through a wall. Probably for this
very reason, Disney seems to have stopped buying books altogether, and now finds its
themes and characters in folk tales, which have the lapidary, time-worn quality of the
ancient bricks in the Maharajah’s ruins.

20

7 THE INTERFACE CULTURE

If I can risk a broad generalization, most of the people who go to Disney World
have zero interest in absorbing new ideas from books. Which sounds snide, but listen:
they have no qualms about being presented with ideas in other forms. Disney World
is stuffed with environmental messages now, and the guides at Animal Kingdom can
talk your ear off about biology.

If you followed those tourists home, you might find art, but it would be the sort of
unsigned folk art that’s for sale in Disney World’s African- and Asian-themed stores.
In general they only seem comfortable with media that have been ratified by great age,
massive popular acceptance, or both.

In this world, artists are like the anonymous, illiterate stone carvers who built the
great cathedrals of Europe and then faded away into unmarked graves in the church-
yard. The cathedral as a whole is awesome and stirring in spite, and possibly because,
of the fact that we have no idea who built it. When we walk through it we are com-
muning not with individual stone carvers but with an entire culture.

Disney World works the same way. If you are an intellectual type, a reader or writer
of books, the nicest thing you can say about this is that the execution is superb. But
it’s easy to find the whole environment a little creepy, because something is missing:
the translation of all its content into clear explicit written words, the attribution of the
ideas to specific people. You can’t argue with it. It seems as if a hell of a lot might be
being glossed over, as if Disney World might be putting one over on us, and possibly
getting away with all kinds of buried assumptions and muddled thinking.

But this is precisely the same as what is lost in the transition from the command-
line interface to the GUI.

Disney and Apple/Microsoft are in the same business: short-circuiting laborious,
explicit verbal communication with expensively designed interfaces. Disney is a sort
of user interface unto itself–and more than just graphical. Let’s call it a Sensorial Inter-
face. It can be applied to anything in the world, real or imagined, albeit at staggering
expense.

Why are we rejecting explicit word-based interfaces, and embracing graphical or
sensorial ones–a trend that accounts for the success of both Microsoft and Disney?

Part of it is simply that the world is very complicated now–much more complicated
than the hunter-gatherer world that our brains evolved to cope with–and we simply
can’t handle all of the details. We have to delegate. We have no choice but to trust
some nameless artist at Disney or programmer at Apple or Microsoft to make a few
choices for us, close off some options, and give us a conveniently packaged executive
summary.

But more importantly, it comes out of the fact that, during this century, intellectu-
alism failed, and everyone knows it. In places like Russia and Germany, the common
people agreed to loosen their grip on traditional folkways, mores, and religion, and
let the intellectuals run with the ball, and they screwed everything up and turned the
century into an abbatoir. Those wordy intellectuals used to be merely tedious; now
they seem kind of dangerous as well.

We Americans are the only ones who didn’t get creamed at some point during
all of this. We are free and prosperous because we have inherited political and values
systems fabricated by a particular set of eighteenth-century intellectuals who happened
to get it right. But we have lost touch with those intellectuals, and with anything
like intellectualism, even to the point of not reading books any more, though we are

21

7 THE INTERFACE CULTURE

literate. We seem much more comfortable with propagating those values to future
generations nonverbally, through a process of being steeped in media. Apparently this
actually works to some degree, for police in many lands are now complaining that
local arrestees are insisting on having their Miranda rights read to them, just like perps
in American TV cop shows. When it’s explained to them that they are in a different
country, where those rights do not exist, they become outraged. Starsky and Hutch
reruns, dubbed into diverse languages, may turn out, in the long run, to be a greater
force for human rights than the Declaration of Independence.

A huge, rich, nuclear-tipped culture that propagates its core values through media
steepage seems like a bad idea. There is an obvious risk of running astray here. Words
are the only immutable medium we have, which is why they are the vehicle of choice
for extremely important concepts like the Ten Commandments, the Koran, and the Bill
of Rights. Unless the messages conveyed by our media are somehow pegged to a fixed,
written set of precepts, they can wander all over the place and possibly dump loads of
crap into people’s minds.

Orlando used to have a military installation called McCoy Air Force Base, with
long runways from which B-52s could take off and reach Cuba, or just about anywhere
else, with loads of nukes. But now McCoy has been scrapped and repurposed. It has
been absorbed into Orlando’s civilian airport. The long runways are being used to land
747-loads of tourists from Brazil, Italy, Russia and Japan, so that they can come to
Disney World and steep in our media for a while.

To traditional cultures, especially word-based ones such as Islam, this is infinitely
more threatening than the B-52s ever were. It is obvious, to everyone outside of the
United States, that our arch-buzzwords, multiculturalism and diversity, are false fronts
that are being used (in many cases unwittingly) to conceal a global trend to eradicate
cultural differences. The basic tenet of multiculturalism (or “honoring diversity” or
whatever you want to call it) is that people need to stop judging each other-to stop
asserting (and, eventually, to stop believing) that this is right and that is wrong, this
true and that false, one thing ugly and another thing beautiful, that God exists and has
this or that set of qualities.

The lesson most people are taking home from the Twentieth Century is that, in
order for a large number of different cultures to coexist peacefully on the globe (or even
in a neighborhood) it is necessary for people to suspend judgment in this way. Hence
(I would argue) our suspicion of, and hostility towards, all authority figures in modern
culture. As David Foster Wallace has explained in his essay “E Unibus Pluram,” this
is the fundamental message of television; it is the message that people take home,
anyway, after they have steeped in our media long enough. It’s not expressed in these
highfalutin terms, of course. It comes through as the presumption that all authority
figures–teachers, generals, cops, ministers, politicians–are hypocritical buffoons, and
that hip jaded coolness is the only way to be.

The problem is that once you have done away with the ability to make judgments
as to right and wrong, true and false, etc., there’s no real culture left. All that remains
is clog dancing and macrame. The ability to make judgments, to believe things, is
the entire it point of having a culture. I think this is why guys with machine guns
sometimes pop up in places like Luxor, and begin pumping bullets into Westerners.
They perfectly understand the lesson of McCoy Air Force Base. When their sons
come home wearing Chicago Bulls caps with the bills turned sideways, the dads go

22

7 THE INTERFACE CULTURE

out of their minds.
The global anti-culture that has been conveyed into every cranny of the world by

television is a culture unto itself, and by the standards of great and ancient cultures
like Islam and France, it seems grossly inferior, at least at first. The only good thing
you can say about it is that it makes world wars and Holocausts less likely–and that is
actually a pretty good thing!

The only real problem is that anyone who has no culture, other than this global
monoculture, is completely screwed. Anyone who grows up watching TV, never sees
any religion or philosophy, is raised in an atmosphere of moral relativism, learns about
civics from watching bimbo eruptions on network TV news, and attends a university
where postmodernists vie to outdo each other in demolishing traditional notions of
truth and quality, is going to come out into the world as one pretty feckless human
being. And–again–perhaps the goal of all this is to make us feckless so we won’t nuke
each other.

On the other hand, if you are raised within some specific culture, you end up with a
basic set of tools that you can use to think about and understand the world. You might
use those tools to reject the culture you were raised in, but at least you’ve got some
tools.

In this country, the people who run things–who populate major law firms and cor-
porate boards–understand all of this at some level. They pay lip service to multicul-
turalism and diversity and non-judgmentalness, but they don’t raise their own children
that way. I have highly educated, technically sophisticated friends who have moved
to small towns in Iowa to live and raise their children, and there are Hasidic Jewish
enclaves in New York where large numbers of kids are being brought up according
to traditional beliefs. Any suburban community might be thought of as a place where
people who hold certain (mostly implicit) beliefs go to live among others who think
the same way.

And not only do these people feel some responsibility to their own children, but
to the country as a whole. Some of the upper class are vile and cynical, of course,
but many spend at least part of their time fretting about what direction the country
is going in, and what responsibilities they have. And so issues that are important to
book-reading intellectuals, such as global environmental collapse, eventually perco-
late through the porous buffer of mass culture and show up as ancient Hindu ruins in
Orlando.

You may be asking: what the hell does all this have to do with operating systems?
As I’ve explained, there is no way to explain the domination of the OS market by Ap-
ple/Microsoft without looking to cultural explanations, and so I can’t get anywhere, in
this essay, without first letting you know where I’m coming from vis-a-vis contempo-
rary culture.

Contemporary culture is a two-tiered system, like the Morlocks and the Eloi in
H.G. Wells’s The Time Machine, except that it’s been turned upside down. In The
Time Machine the Eloi were an effete upper class, supported by lots of subterranean
Morlocks who kept the technological wheels turning. But in our world it’s the other
way round. The Morlocks are in the minority, and they are running the show, be-
cause they understand how everything works. The much more numerous Eloi learn
everything they know from being steeped from birth in electronic media directed and
controlled by book-reading Morlocks. So many ignorant people could be dangerous if

23

7 THE INTERFACE CULTURE

they got pointed in the wrong direction, and so we’ve evolved a popular culture that is
(a) almost unbelievably infectious and (b) neuters every person who gets infected by
it, by rendering them unwilling to make judgments and incapable of taking stands.

Morlocks, who have the energy and intelligence to comprehend details, go out and
master complex subjects and produce Disney-like Sensorial Interfaces so that Eloi can
get the gist without having to strain their minds or endure boredom. Those Morlocks
will go to India and tediously explore a hundred ruins, then come home and built san-
itary bug-free versions: highlight films, as it were. This costs a lot, because Morlocks
insist on good coffee and first-class airline tickets, but that’s no problem because Eloi
like to be dazzled and will gladly pay for it all.

Now I realize that most of this probably sounds snide and bitter to the point of
absurdity: your basic snotty intellectual throwing a tantrum about those unlettered
philistines. As if I were a self-styled Moses, coming down from the mountain all alone,
carrying the stone tablets bearing the Ten Commandments carved in immutable stone–
the original command-line interface–and blowing his stack at the weak, unenlightened
Hebrews worshipping images. Not only that, but it sounds like I’m pumping some sort
of conspiracy theory.

But that is not where I’m going with this. The situation I describe, here, could be
bad, but doesn’t have to be bad and isn’t necessarily bad now:

It simply is the case that we are way too busy, nowadays, to comprehend every-
thing in detail. And it’s better to comprehend it dimly, through an interface, than not
at all. Better for ten million Eloi to go on the Kilimanjaro Safari at Disney World than
for a thousand cardiovascular surgeons and mutual fund managers to go on “real” ones
in Kenya. The boundary between these two classes is more porous than I’ve made
it sound. I’m always running into regular dudes–construction workers, auto mechan-
ics, taxi drivers, galoots in general–who were largely aliterate until something made
it necessary for them to become readers and start actually thinking about things. Per-
haps they had to come to grips with alcoholism, perhaps they got sent to jail, or came
down with a disease, or suffered a crisis in religious faith, or simply got bored. Such
people can get up to speed on particular subjects quite rapidly. Sometimes their lack
of a broad education makes them over-apt to go off on intellectual wild goose chases,
but, hey, at least a wild goose chase gives you some exercise. The spectre of a polity
controlled by the fads and whims of voters who actually believe that there are signif-
icant differences between Bud Lite and Miller Lite, and who think that professional
wrestling is for real, is naturally alarming to people who don’t. But then countries
controlled via the command-line interface, as it were, by double-domed intellectuals,
be they religious or secular, are generally miserable places to live. Sophisticated peo-
ple deride Disneyesque entertainments as pat and saccharine, but, hey, if the result of
that is to instill basically warm and sympathetic reflexes, at a preverbal level, into hun-
dreds of millions of unlettered media-steepers, then how bad can it be? We killed a
lobster in our kitchen last night and my daughter cried for an hour. The Japanese, who
used to be just about the fiercest people on earth, have become infatuated with cuddly
adorable cartoon characters. My own family–the people I know best–is divided about
evenly between people who will probably read this essay and people who almost cer-
tainly won’t, and I can’t say for sure that one group is necessarily warmer, happier, or
better-adjusted than the other.

24

8 MORLOCKS AND ELOI AT THE KEYBOARD

8 MORLOCKS AND ELOI AT THE KEYBOARD

Back in the days of the command-line interface, users were all Morlocks who had
to convert their thoughts into alphanumeric symbols and type them in, a grindingly
tedious process that stripped away all ambiguity, laid bare all hidden assumptions, and
cruelly punished laziness and imprecision. Then the interface-makers went to work
on their GUIs, and introduced a new semiotic layer between people and machines.
People who use such systems have abdicated the responsibility, and surrendered the
power, of sending bits directly to the chip that’s doing the arithmetic, and handed
that responsibility and power over to the OS. This is tempting because giving clear
instructions, to anyone or anything, is difficult. We cannot do it without thinking, and
depending on the complexity of the situation, we may have to think hard about abstract
things, and consider any number of ramifications, in order to do a good job of it. For
most of us, this is hard work. We want things to be easier. How badly we want it can
be measured by the size of Bill Gates’s fortune.

The OS has (therefore) become a sort of intellectual labor-saving device that tries
to translate humans’ vaguely expressed intentions into bits. In effect we are asking our
computers to shoulder responsibilities that have always been considered the province
of human beings–we want them to understand our desires, to anticipate our needs, to
foresee consequences, to make connections, to handle routine chores without being
asked, to remind us of what we ought to be reminded of while filtering out noise.

At the upper (which is to say, closer to the user) levels, this is done through a set
of conventions–menus, buttons, and so on. These work in the sense that analogies
work: they help Eloi understand abstract or unfamiliar concepts by likening them to
something known. But the loftier word “metaphor” is used.

The overarching concept of the MacOS was the “desktop metaphor” and it sub-
sumed any number of lesser (and frequently conflicting, or at least mixed) metaphors.
Under a GUI, a file (frequently called “document”) is metaphrased as a window on
the screen (which is called a “desktop”). The window is almost always too small to
contain the document and so you “move around,” or, more pretentiously, “navigate” in
the document by “clicking and dragging” the “thumb” on the “scroll bar.” When you
“type” (using a keyboard) or “draw” (using a “mouse”) into the “window” or use pull-
down “menus” and “dialog boxes” to manipulate its contents, the results of your labors
get stored (at least in theory) in a “file,” and later you can pull the same information
back up into another “window.” When you don’t want it anymore, you “drag” it into
the “trash.”

There is massively promiscuous metaphor-mixing going on here, and I could de-
construct it ’til the cows come home, but I won’t. Consider only one word: “docu-
ment.” When we document something in the real world, we make fixed, permanent,
immutable records of it. But computer documents are volatile, ephemeral constella-
tions of data. Sometimes (as when you’ve just opened or saved them) the document
as portrayed in the window is identical to what is stored, under the same name, in
a file on the disk, but other times (as when you have made changes without saving
them) it is completely different. In any case, every time you hit “Save” you annihilate
the previous version of the “document” and replace it with whatever happens to be in
the window at the moment. So even the word “save” is being used in a sense that is
grotesquely misleading—”destroy one version, save another” would be more accurate.

25

8 MORLOCKS AND ELOI AT THE KEYBOARD

Anyone who uses a word processor for very long inevitably has the experience of
putting hours of work into a long document and then losing it because the computer
crashes or the power goes out. Until the moment that it disappears from the screen, the
document seems every bit as solid and real as if it had been typed out in ink on paper.
But in the next moment, without warning, it is completely and irretrievably gone, as
if it had never existed. The user is left with a feeling of disorientation (to say nothing
of annoyance) stemming from a kind of metaphor shear–you realize that you’ve been
living and thinking inside of a metaphor that is essentially bogus.

So GUIs use metaphors to make computing easier, but they are bad metaphors.
Learning to use them is essentially a word game, a process of learning new defini-
tions of words like “window” and “document” and “save” that are different from, and
in many cases almost diametrically opposed to, the old. Somewhat improbably, this
has worked very well, at least from a commercial standpoint, which is to say that Ap-
ple/Microsoft have made a lot of money off of it. All of the other modern operating
systems have learned that in order to be accepted by users they must conceal their
underlying gutwork beneath the same sort of spackle. This has some advantages: if
you know how to use one GUI operating system, you can probably work out how to
use any other in a few minutes. Everything works a little differently, like European
plumbing–but with some fiddling around, you can type a memo or surf the web.

Most people who shop for OSes (if they bother to shop at all) are comparing not
the underlying functions but the superficial look and feel. The average buyer of an
OS is not really paying for, and is not especially interested in, the low-level code that
allocates memory or writes bytes onto the disk. What we’re really buying is a system
of metaphors. And–much more important–what we’re buying into is the underlying
assumption that metaphors are a good way to deal with the world.

Recently a lot of new hardware has become available that gives computers numer-
ous interesting ways of affecting the real world: making paper spew out of printers,
causing words to appear on screens thousands of miles away, shooting beams of radi-
ation through cancer patients, creating realistic moving pictures of the Titanic. Win-
dows is now used as an OS for cash registers and bank tellers’ terminals. My satellite
TV system uses a sort of GUI to change channels and show program guides. Modern
cellular telephones have a crude GUI built into a tiny LCD screen. Even Legos now
have a GUI: you can buy a Lego set called Mindstorms that enables you to build little
Lego robots and program them through a GUI on your computer.

So we are now asking the GUI to do a lot more than serve as a glorified typewriter.
Now we want to become a generalized tool for dealing with reality. This has become a
bonanza for companies that make a living out of bringing new technology to the mass
market.

Obviously you cannot sell a complicated technological system to people without
some sort of interface that enables them to use it. The internal combustion engine
was a technological marvel in its day, but useless as a consumer good until a clutch,
transmission, steering wheel and throttle were connected to it. That odd collection of
gizmos, which survives to this day in every car on the road, made up what we would
today call a user interface. But if cars had been invented after Macintoshes, carmakers
would not have bothered to gin up all of these arcane devices. We would have a
computer screen instead of a dashboard, and a mouse (or at best a joystick) instead of
a steering wheel, and we’d shift gears by pulling down a menu:

26

8 MORLOCKS AND ELOI AT THE KEYBOARD

PARK — REVERSE — NEUTRAL —- 3 2 1 — Help…
A few lines of computer code can thus be made to substitute for any imaginable

mechanical interface. The problem is that in many cases the substitute is a poor one.
Driving a car through a GUI would be a miserable experience. Even if the GUI were
perfectly bug-free, it would be incredibly dangerous, because menus and buttons sim-
ply can’t be as responsive as direct mechanical controls. My friend’s dad, the gentle-
man who was restoring the MGB, never would have bothered with it if it had been
equipped with a GUI. It wouldn’t have been any fun.

The steering wheel and gearshift lever were invented during an era when the most
complicated technology in most homes was a butter churn. Those early carmakers
were simply lucky, in that they could dream up whatever interface was best suited
to the task of driving an automobile, and people would learn it. Likewise with the
dial telephone and the AM radio. By the time of the Second World War, most people
knew several interfaces: they could not only churn butter but also drive a car, dial a
telephone, turn on a radio, summon flame from a cigarette lighter, and change a light
bulb.

But now every little thing–wristwatches, VCRs, stoves–is jammed with features,
and every feature is useless without an interface. If you are like me, and like most
other consumers, you have never used ninety percent of the available features on your
microwave oven, VCR, or cellphone. You don’t even know that these features exist.
The small benefit they might bring you is outweighed by the sheer hassle of having
to learn about them. This has got to be a big problem for makers of consumer goods,
because they can’t compete without offering features.

It’s no longer acceptable for engineers to invent a wholly novel user interface for
every new product, as they did in the case of the automobile, partly because it’s too
expensive and partly because ordinary people can only learn so much. If the VCR had
been invented a hundred years ago, it would have come with a thumbwheel to adjust
the tracking and a gearshift to change between forward and reverse and a big cast-iron
handle to load or to eject the cassettes. It would have had a big analog clock on the
front of it, and you would have set the time by moving the hands around on the dial.
But because the VCR was invented when it was–during a sort of awkward transitional
period between the era of mechanical interfaces and GUIs–it just had a bunch of push-
buttons on the front, and in order to set the time you had to push the buttons in just the
right way. This must have seemed reasonable enough to the engineers responsible for
it, but to many users it was simply impossible. Thus the famous blinking 12:00 that
appears on so many VCRs. Computer people call this “the blinking twelve problem”.
When they talk about it, though, they usually aren’t talking about VCRs.

Modern VCRs usually have some kind of on-screen programming, which means
that you can set the time and control other features through a sort of primitive GUI.
GUIs have virtual pushbuttons too, of course, but they also have other types of virtual
controls, like radio buttons, checkboxes, text entry boxes, dials, and scrollbars. In-
terfaces made out of these components seem to be a lot easier, for many people, than
pushing those little buttons on the front of the machine, and so the blinking 12:00 itself
is slowly disappearing from America’s living rooms. The blinking twelve problem has
moved on to plague other technologies.

So the GUI has gone beyond being an interface to personal computers, and become
a sort of meta-interface that is pressed into service for every new piece of consumer

27

9 METAPHOR SHEAR

technology. It is rarely an ideal fit, but having an ideal, or even a good interface is
no longer the priority; the important thing now is having some kind of interface that
customers will actually use, so that manufacturers can claim, with a straight face, that
they are offering new features.

We want GUIs largely because they are convenient and because they are easy– or at
least the GUI makes it seem that way Of course, nothing is really easy and simple, and
putting a nice interface on top of it does not change that fact. A car controlled through
a GUI would be easier to drive than one controlled through pedals and steering wheel,
but it would be incredibly dangerous.

By using GUIs all the time we have insensibly bought into a premise that few peo-
ple would have accepted if it were presented to them bluntly: namely, that hard things
can be made easy, and complicated things simple, by putting the right interface on
them. In order to understand how bizarre this is, imagine that book reviews were writ-
ten according to the same values system that we apply to user interfaces: “The writing
in this book is marvelously simple-minded and glib; the author glosses over compli-
cated subjects and employs facile generalizations in almost every sentence. Readers
rarely have to think, and are spared all of the difficulty and tedium typically involved
in reading old-fashioned books.” As long as we stick to simple operations like setting
the clocks on our VCRs, this is not so bad. But as we try to do more ambitious things
with our technologies, we inevitably run into the problem of:

9 METAPHOR SHEAR

I began using Microsoft Word as soon as the first version was released around 1985.
After some initial hassles I found it to be a better tool than MacWrite, which was
its only competition at the time. I wrote a lot of stuff in early versions of Word,
storing it all on floppies, and transferred the contents of all my floppies to my first hard
drive, which I acquired around 1987. As new versions of Word came out I faithfully
upgraded, reasoning that as a writer it made sense for me to spend a certain amount of
money on tools.

Sometime in the mid-1980’s I attempted to open one of my old, circa-1985 Word
documents using the version of Word then current: 6.0 It didn’t work. Word 6.0 did
not recognize a document created by an earlier version of itself. By opening it as a
text file, I was able to recover the sequences of letters that made up the text of the
document. My words were still there. But the formatting had been run through a log
chipper–the words I’d written were interrupted by spates of empty rectangular boxes
and gibberish.

Now, in the context of a business (the chief market for Word) this sort of thing
is only an annoyance–one of the routine hassles that go along with using computers.
It’s easy to buy little file converter programs that will take care of this problem. But
if you are a writer whose career is words, whose professional identity is a corpus of
written documents, this kind of thing is extremely disquieting. There are very few
fixed assumptions in my line of work, but one of them is that once you have written
a word, it is written, and cannot be unwritten. The ink stains the paper, the chisel
cuts the stone, the stylus marks the clay, and something has irrevocably happened
(my brother-in-law is a theologian who reads 3250-year-old cuneiform tablets–he can

28

10 LINUX

recognize the handwriting of particular scribes, and identify them by name). But word-
processing software–particularly the sort that employs special, complex file formats–
has the eldritch power to unwrite things. A small change in file formats, or a few
twiddled bits, and months’ or years’ literary output can cease to exist.

Now this was technically a fault in the application (Word 6.0 for the Macintosh)
not the operating system (MacOS 7 point something) and so the initial target of my
annoyance was the people who were responsible for Word. But. On the other hand,
I could have chosen the “save as text” option in Word and saved all of my documents
as simple telegrams, and this problem would not have arisen. Instead I had allowed
myself to be seduced by all of those flashy formatting options that hadn’t even existed
until GUIs had come along to make them practicable. I had gotten into the habit of
using them to make my documents look pretty (perhaps prettier than they deserved to
look; all of the old documents on those floppies turned out to be more or less crap).
Now I was paying the price for that self-indulgence. Technology had moved on and
found ways to make my documents look even prettier, and the consequence of it was
that all old ugly documents had ceased to exist.

It was–if you’ll pardon me for a moment’s strange little fantasy–as if I’d gone to
stay at some resort, some exquisitely designed and art-directed hotel, placing myself
in the hands of past masters of the Sensorial Interface, and had sat down in my room
and written a story in ballpoint pen on a yellow legal pad, and when I returned from
dinner, discovered that the maid had taken my work away and left behind in its place a
quill pen and a stack of fine parchment–explaining that the room looked ever so much
finer this way, and it was all part of a routine upgrade. But written on these sheets
of paper, in flawless penmanship, were long sequences of words chosen at random
from the dictionary. Appalling, sure, but I couldn’t really lodge a complaint with the
management, because by staying at this resort I had given my consent to it. I had
surrendered my Morlock credentials and become an Eloi.

10 LINUX

During the late 1980’s and early 1990’s I spent a lot of time programming Macintoshes,
and eventually decided for fork over several hundred dollars for an Apple product
called the Macintosh Programmer’s Workshop, or MPW. MPW had competitors, but
it was unquestionably the premier software development system for the Mac. It was
what Apple’s own engineers used to write Macintosh code. Given that MacOS was
far more technologically advanced, at the time, than its competition, and that Linux
did not even exist yet, and given that this was the actual program used by Apple’s
world-class team of creative engineers, I had high expectations. It arrived on a stack
of floppy disks about a foot high, and so there was plenty of time for my excitement
to build during the endless installation process. The first time I launched MPW, I
was probably expecting some kind of touch-feely multimedia showcase. Instead it
was austere, almost to the point of being intimidating. It was a scrolling window into
which you could type simple, unformatted text. The system would then interpret these
lines of text as commands, and try to execute them.

It was, in other words, a glass teletype running a command line interface. It came
with all sorts of cryptic but powerful commands, which could be invoked by typing

29

10 LINUX

their names, and which I learned to use only gradually. It was not until a few years
later, when I began messing around with Unix, that I understood that the command
line interface embodied in MPW was a re-creation of Unix.

In other words, the first thing that Apple’s hackers had done when they’d got the
MacOS up and running–probably even before they’d gotten it up and running–was to
re-create the Unix interface, so that they would be able to get some useful work done.
At the time, I simply couldn’t get my mind around this, but: as far as Apple’s hack-
ers were concerned, the Mac’s vaunted Graphical User Interface was an impediment,
something to be circumvented before the little toaster even came out onto the market.

Even before my Powerbook crashed and obliterated my big file in July 1995, there
had been danger signs. An old college buddy of mine, who starts and runs high-tech
companies in Boston, had developed a commercial product using Macintoshes as the
front end. Basically the Macs were high-performance graphics terminals, chosen for
their sweet user interface, giving users access to a large database of graphical infor-
mation stored on a network of much more powerful, but less user-friendly, computers.
This fellow was the second person who turned me on to Macintoshes, by the way, and
through the mid-1980’s we had shared the thrill of being high-tech cognoscenti, using
superior Apple technology in a world of DOS-using knuckleheads. Early versions of
my friend’s system had worked well, he told me, but when several machines joined
the network, mysterious crashes began to occur; sometimes the whole network would
just freeze. It was one of those bugs that could not be reproduced easily. Finally they
figured out that these network crashes were triggered whenever a user, scanning the
menus for a particular item, held down the mouse button for more than a couple of
seconds.

Fundamentally, the MacOS could only do one thing at a time. Drawing a menu
on the screen is one thing. So when a menu was pulled down, the Macintosh was not
capable of doing anything else until that indecisive user released the button.

This is not such a bad thing in a single-user, single-process machine (although it’s
a fairly bad thing), but it’s no good in a machine that is on a network, because being on
a network implies some kind of continual low-level interaction with other machines.
By failing to respond to the network, the Mac caused a network-wide crash.

In order to work with other computers, and with networks, and with various differ-
ent types of hardware, an OS must be incomparably more complicated and powerful
than either MS-DOS or the original MacOS. The only way of connecting to the Internet
that’s worth taking seriously is PPP, the Point-to-Point Protocol, which (never mind the
details) makes your computer–temporarily–a full-fledged member of the Global Inter-
net, with its own unique address, and various privileges, powers, and responsibilities
appertaining thereunto. Technically it means your machine is running the TCP/IP pro-
tocol, which, to make a long story short, revolves around sending packets of data back
and forth, in no particular order, and at unpredictable times, according to a clever and
elegant set of rules. But sending a packet of data is one thing, and so an OS that can
only do one thing at a time cannot simultaneously be part of the Internet and do any-
thing else. When TCP/IP was invented, running it was an honor reserved for Serious
Computers–mainframes and high-powered minicomputers used in technical and com-
mercial settings–and so the protocol is engineered around the assumption that every
computer using it is a serious machine, capable of doing many things at once. Not to
put too fine a point on it, a Unix machine. Neither MacOS nor MS-DOS was origi-

30

10 LINUX

nally built with that in mind, and so when the Internet got hot, radical changes had to
be made.

When my Powerbook broke my heart, and when Word stopped recognizing my old
files, I jumped to Unix. The obvious alternative to MacOS would have been Windows.
I didn’t really have anything against Microsoft, or Windows. But it was pretty obvious,
now, that old PC operating systems were overreaching, and showing the strain, and,
perhaps, were best avoided until they had learned to walk and chew gum at the same
time.

The changeover took place on a particular day in the summer of 1995. I had been
San Francisco for a couple of weeks, using my PowerBook to work on a document.
The document was too big to fit onto a single floppy, and so I hadn’t made a backup
since leaving home. The PowerBook crashed and wiped out the entire file.

It happened just as I was on my way out the door to visit a company called Electric
Communities, which in those days was in Los Altos. I took my PowerBook with
me. My friends at Electric Communities were Mac users who had all sorts of utility
software for unerasing files and recovering from disk crashes, and I was certain I could
get most of the file back.

As it turned out, two different Mac crash recovery utilities were unable to find
any trace that my file had ever existed. It was completely and systematically wiped
out. We went through that hard disk block by block and found disjointed fragments
of countless old, discarded, forgotten files, but none of what I wanted. The metaphor
shear was especially brutal that day. It was sort of like watching the girl you’ve been
in love with for ten years get killed in a car wreck, and then attending her autopsy, and
learning that underneath the clothes and makeup she was just flesh and blood.

I must have been reeling around the offices of Electric Communities in some kind
of primal Jungian fugue, because at this moment three weirdly synchronistic things
happened.

1. Randy Farmer, a co-founder of the company, came in for a quick visit along with
his family–he was recovering from back surgery at the time. He had some hot
gossip: “Windows 95 mastered today.” What this meant was that Microsoft’s
new operating system had, on this day, been placed on a special compact disk
known as a golden master, which would be used to stamp out a jintillion copies in
preparation for its thunderous release a few weeks later. This news was received
peevishly by the staff of Electric Communities, including one whose office door
was plastered with the usual assortment of cartoons and novelties, e.g.

2. A copy of a Dilbert cartoon in which Dilbert, the long-suffering corporate soft-
ware engineer, encounters a portly, bearded, hairy man of a certain age–a bit
like Santa Claus, but darker, with a certain edge about him. Dilbert recognizes
this man, based upon his appearance and affect, as a Unix hacker, and reacts
with a certain mixture of nervousness, awe, and hostility. Dilbert jabs weakly at
the disturbing interloper for a couple of frames; the Unix hacker listens with a
kind of infuriating, beatific calm, then, in the last frame, reaches into his pocket.
“Here’s a nickel, kid,” he says, “go buy yourself a real computer.”

3. The owner of the door, and the cartoon, was one Doug Barnes. Barnes was
known to harbor certain heretical opinions on the subject of operating systems.

31

11 THE HOLE HAWG OF OPERATING SYSTEMS

Unlike most Bay Area techies who revered the Macintosh, considering it to be
a true hacker’s machine, Barnes was fond of pointing out that the Mac, with its
hermetically sealed architecture, was actually hostile to hackers, who are prone
to tinkering and dogmatic about openness. By contrast, the IBM-compatible
line of machines, which can easily be taken apart and plugged back together,
was much more hackable.

So when I got home I began messing around with Linux, which is one of many, many
different concrete implementations of the abstract, Platonic ideal called Unix. I was
not looking forward to changing over to a new OS, because my credit cards were still
smoking from all the money I’d spent on Mac hardware over the years. But Linux’s
great virtue was, and is, that it would run on exactly the same sort of hardware as
the Microsoft OSes–which is to say, the cheapest hardware in existence. As if to
demonstrate why this was a great idea, I was, within a week or two of returning home,
able to get my hand on a then-decent computer (a 33-MHz 486 box) for free, because
I knew a guy who worked in an office where they were simply being thrown away.
Once I got it home, I yanked the hood off, stuck my hands in, and began switching
cards around. If something didn’t work, I went to a used-computer outlet and pawed
through a bin full of components and bought a new card for a few bucks.

The availability of all this cheap but effective hardware was an unintended conse-
quence of decisions that had been made more than a decade earlier by IBM and Mi-
crosoft. When Windows came out, and brought the GUI to a much larger market, the
hardware regime changed: the cost of color video cards and high-resolution monitors
began to drop, and is dropping still. This free-for-all approach to hardware meant that
Windows was unavoidably clunky compared to MacOS. But the GUI brought comput-
ing to such a vast audience that volume went way up and prices collapsed. Meanwhile
Apple, which so badly wanted a clean, integrated OS with video neatly integrated into
processing hardware, had fallen far behind in market share, at least partly because their
beautiful hardware cost so much.

But the price that we Mac owners had to pay for superior aesthetics and engineer-
ing was not merely a financial one. There was a cultural price too, stemming from
the fact that we couldn’t open up the hood and mess around with it. Doug Barnes
was right. Apple, in spite of its reputation as the machine of choice of scruffy, cre-
ative hacker types, had actually created a machine that discouraged hacking, while
Microsoft, viewed as a technological laggard and copycat, had created a vast, disor-
derly parts bazaar–a primordial soup that eventually self-assembled into Linux.

11 THE HOLE HAWG OF OPERATING SYSTEMS

Unix has always lurked provocatively in the background of the operating system wars,
like the Russian Army. Most people know it only by reputation, and its reputation, as
the Dilbert cartoon suggests, is mixed. But everyone seems to agree that if it could
only get its act together and stop surrendering vast tracts of rich agricultural land and
hundreds of thousands of prisoners of war to the onrushing invaders, it could stomp
them (and all other opposition) flat.

It is difficult to explain how Unix has earned this respect without going into mind-
smashing technical detail. Perhaps the gist of it can be explained by telling a story

32

11 THE HOLE HAWG OF OPERATING SYSTEMS

about drills.
The Hole Hawg is a drill made by the Milwaukee Tool Company. If you look in a

typical hardware store you may find smaller Milwaukee drills but not the Hole Hawg,
which is too powerful and too expensive for homeowners. The Hole Hawg does not
have the pistol-like design of a cheap homeowner’s drill. It is a cube of solid metal
with a handle sticking out of one face and a chuck mounted in another. The cube
contains a disconcertingly potent electric motor. You can hold the handle and operate
the trigger with your index finger, but unless you are exceptionally strong you cannot
control the weight of the Hole Hawg with one hand; it is a two-hander all the way.
In order to fight off the counter-torque of the Hole Hawg you use a separate handle
(provided), which you screw into one side of the iron cube or the other depending on
whether you are using your left or right hand to operate the trigger. This handle is not a
sleek, ergonomically designed item as it would be in a homeowner’s drill. It is simply
a foot-long chunk of regular galvanized pipe, threaded on one end, with a black rubber
handle on the other. If you lose it, you just go to the local plumbing supply store and
buy another chunk of pipe.

During the Eighties I did some construction work. One day, another worker leaned
a ladder against the outside of the building that we were putting up, climbed up to the
second-story level, and used the Hole Hawg to drill a hole through the exterior wall.
At some point, the drill bit caught in the wall. The Hole Hawg, following its one and
only imperative, kept going. It spun the worker’s body around like a rag doll, causing
him to knock his own ladder down. Fortunately he kept his grip on the Hole Hawg,
which remained lodged in the wall, and he simply dangled from it and shouted for help
until someone came along and reinstated the ladder.

I myself used a Hole Hawg to drill many holes through studs, which it did as a
blender chops cabbage. I also used it to cut a few six-inch-diameter holes through
an old lath-and-plaster ceiling. I chucked in a new hole saw, went up to the second
story, reached down between the newly installed floor joists, and began to cut through
the first-floor ceiling below. Where my homeowner’s drill had labored and whined to
spin the huge bit around, and had stalled at the slightest obstruction, the Hole Hawg
rotated with the stupid consistency of a spinning planet. When the hole saw seized up,
the Hole Hawg spun itself and me around, and crushed one of my hands between the
steel pipe handle and a joist, producing a few lacerations, each surrounded by a wide
corona of deeply bruised flesh. It also bent the hole saw itself, though not so badly that
I couldn’t use it. After a few such run-ins, when I got ready to use the Hole Hawg my
heart actually began to pound with atavistic terror.

But I never blamed the Hole Hawg; I blamed myself. The Hole Hawg is dangerous
because it does exactly what you tell it to. It is not bound by the physical limitations
that are inherent in a cheap drill, and neither is it limited by safety interlocks that might
be built into a homeowner’s product by a liability-conscious manufacturer. The danger
lies not in the machine itself but in the user’s failure to envision the full consequences
of the instructions he gives to it.

A smaller tool is dangerous too, but for a completely different reason: it tries to
do what you tell it to, and fails in some way that is unpredictable and almost always
undesirable. But the Hole Hawg is like the genie of the ancient fairy tales, who carries
out his master’s instructions literally and precisely and with unlimited power, often
with disastrous, unforeseen consequences.

33

12 THE ORAL TRADITION

Pre-Hole Hawg, I used to examine the drill selection in hardware stores with what
I thought was a judicious eye, scorning the smaller low-end models and hefting the
big expensive ones appreciatively, wishing I could afford one of them babies. Now I
view them all with such contempt that I do not even consider them to be real drills–
merely scaled-up toys designed to exploit the self-delusional tendencies of soft-handed
homeowners who want to believe that they have purchased an actual tool. Their plastic
casings, carefully designed and focus-group-tested to convey a feeling of solidity and
power, seem disgustingly flimsy and cheap to me, and I am ashamed that I was ever
bamboozled into buying such knicknacks.

It is not hard to imagine what the world would look like to someone who had been
raised by contractors and who had never used any drill other than a Hole Hawg. Such
a person, presented with the best and most expensive hardware-store drill, would not
even recognize it as such. He might instead misidentify it as a child’s toy, or some
kind of motorized screwdriver. If a salesperson or a deluded homeowner referred to it
as a drill, he would laugh and tell them that they were mistaken–they simply had their
terminology wrong. His interlocutor would go away irritated, and probably feeling
rather defensive about his basement full of cheap, dangerous, flashy, colorful tools.

Unix is the Hole Hawg of operating systems, and Unix hackers, like Doug Barnes
and the guy in the Dilbert cartoon and many of the other people who populate Silicon
Valley, are like contractor’s sons who grew up using only Hole Hawgs. They might use
Apple/Microsoft OSes to write letters, play video games, or balance their checkbooks,
but they cannot really bring themselves to take these operating systems seriously.

12 THE ORAL TRADITION

Unix is hard to learn. The process of learning it is one of multiple small epiphanies.
Typically you are just on the verge of inventing some necessary tool or utility when you
realize that someone else has already invented it, and built it in, and this explains some
odd file or directory or command that you have noticed but never really understood
before.

For example there is a command (a small program, part of the OS) called whoami,
which enables you to ask the computer who it thinks you are. On a Unix machine, you
are always logged in under some name–possibly even your own! What files you may
work with, and what software you may use, depends on your identity. When I started
out using Linux, I was on a non-networked machine in my basement, with only one
user account, and so when I became aware of the whoami command it struck me as
ludicrous. But once you are logged in as one person, you can temporarily switch over
to a pseudonym in order to access different files. If your machine is on the Internet,
you can log onto other computers, provided you have a user name and a password. At
that point the distant machine becomes no different in practice from the one right in
front of you. These changes in identity and location can easily become nested inside
each other, many layers deep, even if you aren’t doing anything nefarious. Once you
have forgotten who and where you are, the whoami command is indispensible. I use it
all the time.

The file systems of Unix machines all have the same general structure. On your
flimsy operating systems, you can create directories (folders) and give them names like

34

12 THE ORAL TRADITION

Frodo or My Stuff and put them pretty much anywhere you like. But under Unix the
highest level–the root–of the filesystem is always designated with the single character
“/” and it always contains the same set of top-level directories:

/usr/etc/var/bin/proc/boot/home/root/sbin/dev/lib/tmp

and each of these directories typically has its own distinct structure of subdirectories.
Note the obsessive use of abbreviations and avoidance of capital letters; this is a system
invented by people to whom repetitive stress disorder is what black lung is to miners.
Long names get worn down to three-letter nubbins, like stones smoothed by a river.

This is not the place to try to explain why each of the above directories exists, and
what is contained in it. At first it all seems obscure; worse, it seems deliberately ob-
scure. When I started using Linux I was accustomed to being able to create directories
wherever I wanted and to give them whatever names struck my fancy. Under Unix you
are free to do that, of course (you are free to do anything) but as you gain experience
with the system you come to understand that the directories listed above were created
for the best of reasons and that your life will be much easier if you follow along (within
/home, by the way, you have pretty much unlimited freedom).

After this kind of thing has happened several hundred or thousand times, the hacker
understands why Unix is the way it is, and agrees that it wouldn’t be the same any
other way. It is this sort of acculturation that gives Unix hackers their confidence in
the system, and the attitude of calm, unshakable, annoying superiority captured in the
Dilbert cartoon. Windows 95 and MacOS are products, contrived by engineers in the
service of specific companies. Unix, by contrast, is not so much a product as it is a
painstakingly compiled oral history of the hacker subculture. It is our Gilgamesh epic.

What made old epics like Gilgamesh so powerful and so long-lived was that they
were living bodies of narrative that many people knew by heart, and told over and over
again–making their own personal embellishments whenever it struck their fancy. The
bad embellishments were shouted down, the good ones picked up by others, polished,
improved, and, over time, incorporated into the story. Likewise, Unix is known, loved,
and understood by so many hackers that it can be re-created from scratch whenever
someone needs it. This is very difficult to understand for people who are accustomed
to thinking of OSes as things that absolutely have to be bought.

Many hackers have launched more or less successful re-implementations of the
Unix ideal. Each one brings in new embellishments. Some of them die out quickly,
some are merged with similar, parallel innovations created by different hackers at-
tacking the same problem, others still are embraced, and adopted into the epic. Thus
Unix has slowly accreted around a simple kernel and acquired a kind of complexity
and asymmetry about it that is organic, like the roots of a tree, or the branchings of a
coronary artery. Understanding it is more like anatomy than physics.

For at least a year, prior to my adoption of Linux, I had been hearing about it.
Credible, well-informed people kept telling me that a bunch of hackers had got together
an implentation of Unix that could be downloaded, free of charge, from the Internet.
For a long time I could not bring myself to take the notion seriously. It was like hearing
rumors that a group of model rocket enthusiasts had created a completely functional
Saturn V by exchanging blueprints on the Net and mailing valves and flanges to each
other.

35

13 OS SHOCK

But it’s true. Credit for Linux generally goes to its human namesake, one Linus
Torvalds, a Finn who got the whole thing rolling in 1991 when he used some of the
GNU tools to write the beginnings of a Unix kernel that could run on PC-compatible
hardware. And indeed Torvalds deserves all the credit he has ever gotten, and a whole
lot more. But he could not have made it happen by himself, any more than Richard
Stallman could have. To write code at all, Torvalds had to have cheap but powerful
development tools, and these he got from Stallman’s GNU project.

And he had to have cheap hardware on which to write that code. Cheap hardware
is a much harder thing to arrange than cheap software; a single person (Stallman) can
write software and put it up on the Net for free, but in order to make hardware it’s
necessary to have a whole industrial infrastructure, which is not cheap by any stretch
of the imagination. Really the only way to make hardware cheap is to punch out an
incredible number of copies of it, so that the unit cost eventually drops. For reasons
already explained, Apple had no desire to see the cost of hardware drop. The only
reason Torvalds had cheap hardware was Microsoft.

Microsoft refused to go into the hardware business, insisted on making its soft-
ware run on hardware that anyone could build, and thereby created the market con-
ditions that allowed hardware prices to plummet. In trying to understand the Linux
phenomenon, then, we have to look not to a single innovator but to a sort of bizarre
Trinity: Linus Torvalds, Richard Stallman, and Bill Gates. Take away any of these
three and Linux would not exist.

13 OS SHOCK

Young Americans who leave their great big homogeneous country and visit some other
part of the world typically go through several stages of culture shock: first, dumb wide-
eyed astonishment. Then a tentative engagement with the new country’s manners, cui-
sine, public transit systems and toilets, leading to a brief period of fatuous confidence
that they are instant experts on the new country. As the visit wears on, homesickness
begins to set in, and the traveler begins to appreciate, for the first time, how much he
or she took for granted at home. At the same time it begins to seem obvious that many
of one’s own cultures and traditions are essentially arbitrary, and could have been dif-
ferent; driving on the right side of the road, for example. When the traveler returns
home and takes stock of the experience, he or she may have learned a good deal more
about America than about the country they went to visit.

For the same reasons, Linux is worth trying. It is a strange country indeed, but you
don’t have to live there; a brief sojourn suffices to give some flavor of the place and–
more importantly–to lay bare everything that is taken for granted, and all that could
have been done differently, under Windows or MacOS.

You can’t try it unless you install it. With any other OS, installing it would be a
straightforward transaction: in exchange for money, some company would give you
a CD-ROM, and you would be on your way. But a lot is subsumed in that kind of
transaction, and has to be gone through and picked apart.

We like plain dealings and straightforward transactions in America. If you go to
Egypt and, say, take a taxi somewhere, you become a part of the taxi driver’s life; he
refuses to take your money because it would demean your friendship, he follows you

36

13 OS SHOCK

around town, and weeps hot tears when you get in some other guy’s taxi. You end up
meeting his kids at some point, and have to devote all sort of ingenuity to finding some
way to compensate him without insulting his honor. It is exhausting. Sometimes you
just want a simple Manhattan-style taxi ride.

But in order to have an American-style setup, where you can just go out and hail
a taxi and be on your way, there must exist a whole hidden apparatus of medallions,
inspectors, commissions, and so forth–which is fine as long as taxis are cheap and you
can always get one. When the system fails to work in some way, it is mysterious and
infuriating and turns otherwise reasonable people into conspiracy theorists. But when
the Egyptian system breaks down, it breaks down transparently. You can’t get a taxi,
but your driver’s nephew will show up, on foot, to explain the problem and apologize.

Microsoft and Apple do things the Manhattan way, with vast complexity hidden
behind a wall of interface. Linux does things the Egypt way, with vast complexity
strewn about all over the landscape. If you’ve just flown in from Manhattan, your first
impulse will be to throw up your hands and say “For crying out loud! Will you people
get a grip on yourselves!?” But this does not make friends in Linux-land any better
than it would in Egypt.

You can suck Linux right out of the air, as it were, by downloading the right files
and putting them in the right places, but there probably are not more than a few hundred
people in the world who could create a functioning Linux system in that way. What
you really need is a distribution of Linux, which means a prepackaged set of files. But
distributions are a separate thing from Linux per se.

Linux per se is not a specific set of ones and zeroes, but a self-organizing Net sub-
culture. The end result of its collective lucubrations is a vast body of source code, al-
most all written in C (the dominant computer programming language). “Source code”
just means a computer program as typed in and edited by some hacker. If it’s in C, the
file name will probably have .c or .cpp on the end of it, depending on which dialect
was used; if it’s in some other language it will have some other suffix. Frequently
these sorts of files can be found in a directory with the name /src which is the hacker’s
Hebraic abbreviation of “source.”

Source files are useless to your computer, and of little interest to most users, but
they are of gigantic cultural and political significance, because Microsoft and Apple
keep them secret while Linux makes them public. They are the family jewels. They are
the sort of thing that in Hollywood thrillers is used as a McGuffin: the plutonium bomb
core, the top-secret blueprints, the suitcase of bearer bonds, the reel of microfilm. If
the source files for Windows or MacOS were made public on the Net, then those OSes
would become free, like Linux–only not as good, because no one would be around to
fix bugs and answer questions. Linux is “open source” software meaning, simply, that
anyone can get copies of its source code files.

Your computer doesn’t want source code any more than you do; it wants object
code. Object code files typically have the suffix .o and are unreadable all but a few,
highly strange humans, because they consist of ones and zeroes. Accordingly, this sort
of file commonly shows up in a directory with the name /bin, for “binary.”

Source files are simply ASCII text files. ASCII denotes a particular way of encod-
ing letters into bit patterns. In an ASCII file, each character has eight bits all to itself.
This creates a potential “alphabet” of 256 distinct characters, in that eight binary digits
can form that many unique patterns. In practice, of course, we tend to limit ourselves

37

13 OS SHOCK

to the familiar letters and digits. The bit-patterns used to represent those letters and
digits are the same ones that were physically punched into the paper tape by my high
school teletype, which in turn were the same one used by the telegraph industry for
decades previously. ASCII text files, in other words, are telegrams, and as such they
have no typographical frills. But for the same reason they are eternal, because the code
never changes, and universal, because every text editing and word processing software
ever written knows about this code.

Therefore just about any software can be used to create, edit, and read source code
files. Object code files, then, are created from these source files by a piece of software
called a compiler, and forged into a working application by another piece of software
called a linker.

The triad of editor, compiler, and linker, taken together, form the core of a software
development system. Now, it is possible to spend a lot of money on shrink-wrapped
development systems with lovely graphical user interfaces and various ergonomic en-
hancements. In some cases it might even be a good and reasonable way to spend
money. But on this side of the road, as it were, the very best software is usually the
free stuff. Editor, compiler and linker are to hackers what ponies, stirrups, and archery
sets were to the Mongols. Hackers live in the saddle, and hack on their own tools even
while they are using them to create new applications. It is quite inconceivable that
superior hacking tools could have been created from a blank sheet of paper by prod-
uct engineers. Even if they are the brightest engineers in the world they are simply
outnumbered.

In the GNU/Linux world there are two major text editing programs: the mini-
malist vi (known in some implementations as elvis) and the maximalist emacs. I use
emacs, which might be thought of as a thermonuclear word processor. It was created
by Richard Stallman; enough said. It is written in Lisp, which is the only computer
language that is beautiful. It is colossal, and yet it only edits straight ASCII text files,
which is to say, no fonts, no boldface, no underlining. In other words, the engineer-
hours that, in the case of Microsoft Word, were devoted to features like mail merge, and
the ability to embed feature-length motion pictures in corporate memoranda, were, in
the case of emacs, focused with maniacal intensity on the deceptively simple-seeming
problem of editing text. If you are a professional writer–i.e., if someone else is getting
paid to worry about how your words are formatted and printed–emacs outshines all
other editing software in approximately the same way that the noonday sun does the
stars. It is not just bigger and brighter; it simply makes everything else vanish. For
page layout and printing you can use TEX: a vast corpus of typesetting lore written in
C and also available on the Net for free.

I could say a lot about emacs and TEX, but right now I am trying to tell a story
about how to actually install Linux on your machine. The hard-core survivalist ap-
proach would be to download an editor like emacs, and the GNU Tools–the compiler
and linker–which are polished and excellent to the same degree as emacs. Equipped
with these, one would be able to start downloading ASCII source code files (/src) and
compiling them into binary object code files (/bin) that would run on the machine.
But in order to even arrive at this point–to get emacs running, for example–you have
to have Linux actually up and running on your machine. And even a minimal Linux
operating system requires thousands of binary files all acting in concert, and arranged
and linked together just so.

38

13 OS SHOCK

Several entities have therefore taken it upon themselves to create “distributions”
of Linux. If I may extend the Egypt analogy slightly, these entities are a bit like tour
guides who meet you at the airport, who speak your language, and who help guide you
through the initial culture shock. If you are an Egyptian, of course, you see it the other
way; tour guides exist to keep brutish outlanders from traipsing through your mosques
and asking you the same questions over and over and over again.

Some of these tour guides are commercial organizations, such as Red Hat Soft-
ware, which makes a Linux distribution called Red Hat that has a relatively commer-
cial sheen to it. In most cases you put a Red Hat CD-ROM into your PC and reboot and
it handles the rest. Just as a tour guide in Egypt will expect some sort of compensation
for his services, commercial distributions need to be paid for. In most cases they cost
almost nothing and are well worth it.

I use a distribution called Debian (the word is a contraction of “Deborah” and
“Ian”) which is non-commercial. It is organized (or perhaps I should say “it has orga-
nized itself”) along the same lines as Linux in general, which is to say that it consists of
volunteers who collaborate over the Net, each responsible for looking after a different
chunk of the system. These people have broken Linux down into a number of pack-
ages, which are compressed files that can be downloaded to an already functioning
Debian Linux system, then opened up and unpacked using a free installer application.
Of course, as such, Debian has no commercial arm–no distribution mechanism. You
can download all Debian packages over the Net, but most people will want to have
them on a CD-ROM. Several different companies have taken it upon themselves to
decoct all of the current Debian packages onto CD-ROMs and then sell them. I buy
mine from Linux Systems Labs. The cost for a three-disc set, containing Debian in its
entirety, is less than three dollars. But (and this is an important distinction) not a single
penny of that three dollars is going to any of the coders who created Linux, nor to the
Debian packagers. It goes to Linux Systems Labs and it pays, not for the software, or
the packages, but for the cost of stamping out the CD-ROMs.

Every Linux distribution embodies some more or less clever hack for circumvent-
ing the normal boot process and causing your computer, when it is turned on, to or-
ganize itself, not as a PC running Windows, but as a “host” running Unix. This is
slightly alarming the first time you see it, but completely harmless. When a PC boots
up, it goes through a little self-test routine, taking an inventory of available disks and
memory, and then begins looking around for a disk to boot up from. In any normal
Windows computer that disk will be a hard drive. But if you have your system config-
ured right, it will look first for a floppy or CD-ROM disk, and boot from that if one is
available.

Linux exploits this chink in the defenses. Your computer notices a bootable disk
in the floppy or CD-ROM drive, loads in some object code from that disk, and blindly
begins to execute it. But this is not Microsoft or Apple code, this is Linux code, and
so at this point your computer begins to behave very differently from what you are
accustomed to. Cryptic messages began to scroll up the screen. If you had booted a
commercial OS, you would, at this point, be seeing a “Welcome to MacOS” cartoon,
or a screen filled with clouds in a blue sky, and a Windows logo. But under Linux
you get a long telegram printed in stark white letters on a black screen. There is no
“welcome!” message. Most of the telegram has the semi-inscrutable menace of graffiti
tags.

39

13 OS SHOCK

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev syslogd 1.3-3#17: restart.

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: klogd 1.3-3, log source = /proc/kmsg started.

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Loaded 3535 symbols from /System.map.

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Symbols match kernel version 2.0.30.

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: No module symbols loaded.

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Intel MultiProcessor Specification v1.4

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Virtual Wire compatibility mode.

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: OEM ID: INTEL Product ID: 440FX APIC at: 0xFEE00000

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Processor #0 Pentium(tm) Pro APIC version 17

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Processor #1 Pentium(tm) Pro APIC version 17

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: I/O APIC #2 Version 17 at 0xFEC00000.

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Processors: 2

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Console: 16 point font, 400 scans

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Console: colour VGA+ 80×25, 1 virtual console (max 63)

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: pcibios_init : BIOS32 Service Directory structure at 0x000fdb70

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: pcibios_init : BIOS32 Service Directory entry at 0xfdb80

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: pcibios_init : PCI BIOS revision 2.10 entry at 0xfdba1

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Probing PCI hardware.

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Warning : Unknown PCI device (10b7:9001). Please read include/linux/pci.h

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Calibrating delay loop.. ok – 179.40 BogoMIPS Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Memory: 64268k/66556k available (700k kernel code, 384k reserved, 1204k data)

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Swansea University Computer Society NET3.035 for Linux 2.0

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: NET3: Unix domain sockets 0.13 for Linux NET3.035.

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Swansea University Computer Society TCP/IP for NET3.034

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: IP Protocols: ICMP, UDP, TCP

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Checking 386/387 coupling… Ok, fpu using exception 16 error reporting.

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Checking ‘hlt’ instruction… Ok. Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Linux version 2.0.30 (root@theRev) (gcc version 2.7.2.1) #15 Fri Mar 27 16:37:24 PST 1998

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Booting processor 1 stack 00002000: Calibrating delay loop.. ok – 179.40 BogoMIPS

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Total of 2 processors activated (358.81 BogoMIPS).

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Serial driver version 4.13 with no serial options enabled

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: tty00 at 0x03f8 (irq = 4) is a 16550A Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: tty01 at 0x02f8 (irq = 3) is a 16550A

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: lp1 at 0x0378, (polling)

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: PS/2 auxiliary pointing device detected — driver installed.

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: Real Time Clock Driver v1.07

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: loop: registered device at major 7

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: ide: i82371 PIIX (Triton) on PCI bus 0 function 57

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: ide0: BM-DMA at 0xffa0-0xffa7

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: ide1: BM-DMA at 0xffa8-0xffaf

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: hda: Conner Peripherals 1275MB – CFS1275A, 1219MB w/64kB Cache, LBA, CHS=619/64/63

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: hdb: Maxtor 84320A5, 4119MB w/256kB Cache, LBA, CHS=8928/15/63, DMA

Dec 14 15:04:15 theRev kernel: hdc: , ATAPI CDROM drive

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: ide0 at 0x1f0-0x1f7,0x3f6 on irq 14

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: ide1 at 0x170-0x177,0x376 on irq 15

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: Floppy drive(s): fd0 is 1.44M

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: Started kswapd v 1.4.2.2 Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: FDC 0 is a National Semiconductor PC87306

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: md driver 0.35 MAX_MD_DEV=4, MAX_REAL=8 Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: PPP: version 2.2.0 (dynamic channel allocation)

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: TCP compression code copyright 1989 Regents of the University of California

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: PPP Dynamic channel allocation code copyright 1995 Caldera, Inc.

40

14 FALLIBILITY, ATONEMENT, REDEMPTION, TRUST, AND OTHER
ARCANE TECHNICAL CONCEPTS

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: PPP line discipline registered.

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: SLIP: version 0.8.4-NET3.019-NEWTTY (dynamic channels, max=256).

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: eth0: 3Com 3c900 Boomerang 10Mbps/Combo at 0xef00, 00:60:08:a4:3c:db, IRQ 10

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: 8K word-wide RAM 3:5 Rx:Tx split, 10base2 interface.

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: Enabling bus-master transmits and whole-frame receives.

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: 3c59x.c:v0.49 1/2/98 Donald Becker http://cesdis.gsfc.nasa.gov/linux/drivers/vortex.html

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: Partition check:

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: hda: hda1 hda2 hda3

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: hdb: hdb1 hdb2

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: VFS: Mounted root (ext2 filesystem) readonly.

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: Adding Swap: 16124k swap-space (priority -1)

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: EXT2-fs warning: maximal mount count reached, running e2fsck is recommended

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: hdc: media changed

Dec 15 11:58:06 theRev kernel: ISO9660 Extensions: RRIP_1991A

Dec 15 11:58:07 theRev syslogd 1.3-3#17: restart.

Dec 15 11:58:09 theRev diald[87]: Unable to open options file /etc/diald/diald.options: No such file or directory

Dec 15 11:58:09 theRev diald[87]: No device specified. You must have at least one device!

Dec 15 11:58:09 theRev diald[87]: You must define a connector script (option ‘connect’).

Dec 15 11:58:09 theRev diald[87]: You must define the remote ip address.

Dec 15 11:58:09 theRev diald[87]: You must define the local ip address.

Dec 15 11:58:09 theRev diald[87]: Terminating due to damaged reconfigure.

The only parts of this that are readable, for normal people, are the error messages and
warnings. And yet it’s noteworthy that Linux doesn’t stop, or crash, when it encounters
an error; it spits out a pithy complaint, gives up on whatever processes were damaged,
and keeps on rolling. This was decidedly not true of the early versions of Apple and
Microsoft OSes, for the simple reason that an OS that is not capable of walking and
chewing gum at the same time cannot possibly recover from errors. Looking for, and
dealing with, errors requires a separate process running in parallel with the one that
has erred. A kind of superego, if you will, that keeps an eye on all of the others, and
jumps in when one goes astray. Now that MacOS and Windows can do more than one
thing at a time they are much better at dealing with errors than they used to be, but they
are not even close to Linux or other Unices in this respect; and their greater complexity
has made them vulnerable to new types of errors.

14 FALLIBILITY, ATONEMENT, REDEMPTION, TRUST,
AND OTHER ARCANE TECHNICAL CONCEPTS

Linux is not capable of having any centrally organized policies dictating how to write
error messages and documentation, and so each programmer writes his own. Usually
they are in English even though tons of Linux programmers are Europeans. Frequently
they are funny. Always they are honest. If something bad has happened because the
software simply isn’t finished yet, or because the user screwed something up, this
will be stated forthrightly. The command line interface makes it easy for programs
to dribble out little comments, warnings, and messages here and there. Even if the
application is imploding like a damaged submarine, it can still usually eke out a little

41

14 FALLIBILITY, ATONEMENT, REDEMPTION, TRUST, AND OTHER
ARCANE TECHNICAL CONCEPTS

S.O.S. message. Sometimes when you finish working with a program and shut it down,
you find that it has left behind a series of mild warnings and low-grade error messages
in the command-line interface window from which you launched it. As if the software
were chatting to you about how it was doing the whole time you were working with it.

Documentation, under Linux, comes in the form of man (short for manual) pages.
You can access these either through a GUI (xman) or from the command line (man).
Here is a sample from the man page for a program called rsh:

“Stop signals stop the local rsh process only; this is arguably wrong, but currently
hard to fix for reasons too complicated to explain here.”

The man pages contain a lot of such material, which reads like the terse mutterings
of pilots wrestling with the controls of damaged airplanes. The general feel is of a
thousand monumental but obscure struggles seen in the stop-action light of a strobe.
Each programmer is dealing with his own obstacles and bugs; he is too busy fixing
them, and improving the software, to explain things at great length or to maintain
elaborate pretensions.

In practice you hardly ever encounter a serious bug while running Linux. When
you do, it is almost always with commercial software (several vendors sell software
that runs under Linux). The operating system and its fundamental utility programs
are too important to contain serious bugs. I have been running Linux every day since
late 1995 and have seen many application programs go down in flames, but I have
never seen the operating system crash. Never. Not once. There are quite a few Linux
systems that have been running continuously and working hard for months or years
without needing to be rebooted.

Commercial OSes have to adopt the same official stance towards errors as Commu-
nist countries had towards poverty. For doctrinal reasons it was not possible to admit
that poverty was a serious problem in Communist countries, because the whole point
of Communism was to eradicate poverty. Likewise, commercial OS companies like
Apple and Microsoft can’t go around admitting that their software has bugs and that it
crashes all the time, any more than Disney can issue press releases stating that Mickey
Mouse is an actor in a suit.

This is a problem, because errors do exist and bugs do happen. Every few months
Bill Gates tries to demo a new Microsoft product in front of a large audience only to
have it blow up in his face. Commercial OS vendors, as a direct consequence of being
commercial, are forced to adopt the grossly disingenuous position that bugs are rare
aberrations, usually someone else’s fault, and therefore not really worth talking about
in any detail. This posture, which everyone knows to be absurd, is not limited to press
releases and ad campaigns. It informs the whole way these companies do business
and relate to their customers. If the documentation were properly written, it would
mention bugs, errors, and crashes on every single page. If the on-line help systems
that come with these OSes reflected the experiences and concerns of their users, they
would largely be devoted to instructions on how to cope with crashes and errors.

But this does not happen. Joint stock corporations are wonderful inventions that
have given us many excellent goods and services. They are good at many things.
Admitting failure is not one of them. Hell, they can’t even admit minor shortcomings.

Of course, this behavior is not as pathological in a corporation as it would be in
a human being. Most people, nowadays, understand that corporate press releases are
issued for the benefit of the corporation’s shareholders and not for the enlightenment

42

14 FALLIBILITY, ATONEMENT, REDEMPTION, TRUST, AND OTHER
ARCANE TECHNICAL CONCEPTS

of the public. Sometimes the results of this institutional dishonesty can be dreadful, as
with tobacco and asbestos. In the case of commercial OS vendors it is nothing of the
kind, of course; it is merely annoying.

Some might argue that consumer annoyance, over time, builds up into a kind of
hardened plaque that can conceal serious decay, and that honesty might therefore be the
best policy in the long run; the jury is still out on this in the operating system market.
The business is expanding fast enough that it’s still much better to have billions of
chronically annoyed customers than millions of happy ones.

Most system administrators I know who work with Windows NT all the time agree
that when it hits a snag, it has to be re-booted, and when it gets seriously messed up,
the only way to fix it is to re-install the operating system from scratch. Or at least this
is the only way that they know of to fix it, which amounts to the same thing. It is quite
possible that the engineers at Microsoft have all sorts of insider knowledge on how to
fix the system when it goes awry, but if they do, they do not seem to be getting the
message out to any of the actual system administrators I know.

Because Linux is not commercial–because it is, in fact, free, as well as rather
difficult to obtain, install, and operate–it does not have to maintain any pretensions
as to its reliability. Consequently, it is much more reliable. When something goes
wrong with Linux, the error is noticed and loudly discussed right away. Anyone with
the requisite technical knowledge can go straight to the source code and point out the
source of the error, which is then rapidly fixed by whichever hacker has carved out
responsibility for that particular program.

As far as I know, Debian is the only Linux distribution that has its own constitu-
tion (http://www.debian.org/devel/constitution), but what really sold me on it was its
phenomenal bug database (http://www.debian.org/Bugs), which is a sort of interactive
Doomsday Book of error, fallibility, and redemption. It is simplicity itself. When had
a problem with Debian in early January of 1997, I sent in a message describing the
problem to submit@bugs.debian.org. My problem was promptly assigned a bug re-
port number (#6518) and a severity level (the available choices being critical, grave,
important, normal, fixed, and wishlist) and forwarded to mailing lists where Debian
people hang out. Within twenty-four hours I had received five e-mails telling me how
to fix the problem: two from North America, two from Europe, and one from Aus-
tralia. All of these e-mails gave me the same suggestion, which worked, and made my
problem go away. But at the same time, a transcript of this exchange was posted to
Debian’s bug database, so that if other users had the same problem later, they would be
able to search through and find the solution without having to enter a new, redundant
bug report.

Contrast this with the experience that I had when I tried to install Windows NT
4.0 on the very same machine about ten months later, in late 1997. The installation
program simply stopped in the middle with no error messages. I went to the Microsoft
Support website and tried to perform a search for existing help documents that would
address my problem. The search engine was completely nonfunctional; it did nothing
at all. It did not even give me a message telling me that it was not working.

Eventually I decided that my motherboard must be at fault; it was of a slightly
unusual make and model, and NT did not support as many different motherboards as
Linux. I am always looking for excuses, no matter how feeble, to buy new hardware,
so I bought a new motherboard that was Windows NT logo-compatible, meaning that

43

14 FALLIBILITY, ATONEMENT, REDEMPTION, TRUST, AND OTHER
ARCANE TECHNICAL CONCEPTS

the Windows NT logo was printed right on the box. I installed this into my computer
and got Linux running right away, then attempted to install Windows NT again. Again,
the installation died without any error message or explanation. By this time a couple
of weeks had gone by and I thought that perhaps the search engine on the Microsoft
Support website might be up and running. I gave that a try but it still didn’t work.

So I created a new Microsoft support account, then logged on to submit the in-
cident. I supplied my product ID number when asked, and then began to follow the
instructions on a series of help screens. In other words, I was submitting a bug report
just as with the Debian bug tracking system. It’s just that the interface was slicker–
I was typing my complaint into little text-editing boxes on Web forms, doing it all
through the GUI, whereas with Debian you send in an e-mail telegram. I knew that
when I was finished submitting the bug report, it would become proprietary Microsoft
information, and other users wouldn’t be able to see it. Many Linux users would refuse
to participate in such a scheme on ethical grounds, but I was willing to give it a shot as
an experiment. In the end, though I was never able to submit my bug report, because
the series of linked web pages that I was filling out eventually led me to a completely
blank page: a dead end.

So I went back and clicked on the buttons for “phone support” and eventually was
given a Microsoft telephone number. When I dialed this number I got a series of
piercing beeps and a recorded message from the phone company saying “We’re sorry,
your call cannot be completed as dialed.”

I tried the search page again–it was still completely nonfunctional. Then I tried
PPI (Pay Per Incident) again. This led me through another series of Web pages until I
dead-ended at one reading: “Notice-there is no Web page matching your request.”

I tried it again, and eventually got to a Pay Per Incident screen reading: “OUT
OF INCIDENTS. There are no unused incidents left in your account. If you would
like to purchase a support incident, click OK-you will then be able to prepay for an
incident….” The cost per incident was $95.

The experiment was beginning to seem rather expensive, so I gave up on the PPI
approach and decided to have a go at the FAQs posted on Microsoft’s website. None of
the available FAQs had anything to do with my problem except for one entitled “I am
having some problems installing NT” which appeared to have been written by flacks,
not engineers.

So I gave up and still, to this day, have never gotten Windows NT installed on
that particular machine. For me, the path of least resistance was simply to use Debian
Linux.

In the world of open source software, bug reports are useful information. Making
them public is a service to other users, and improves the OS. Making them public
systematically is so important that highly intelligent people voluntarily put time and
money into running bug databases. In the commercial OS world, however, reporting
a bug is a privilege that you have to pay lots of money for. But if you pay for it, it
follows that the bug report must be kept confidential–otherwise anyone could get the
benefit of your ninety-five bucks! And yet nothing prevents NT users from setting up
their own public bug database.

This is, in other words, another feature of the OS market that simply makes no
sense unless you view it in the context of culture. What Microsoft is selling through
Pay Per Incident isn’t technical support so much as the continued illusion that its cus-

44

14 FALLIBILITY, ATONEMENT, REDEMPTION, TRUST, AND OTHER
ARCANE TECHNICAL CONCEPTS

tomers are engaging in some kind of rational business transaction. It is a sort of routine
maintenance fee for the upkeep of the fantasy. If people really wanted a solid OS they
would use Linux, and if they really wanted tech support they would find a way to get
it; Microsoft’s customers want something else.

As of this writing (Jan. 1999), something like 32,000 bugs have been reported to
the Debian Linux bug database. Almost all of them have been fixed a long time ago.
There are twelve “critical” bugs still outstanding, of which the oldest was posted 79
days ago. There are 20 outstanding “grave” bugs of which the oldest is 1166 days old.
There are 48 “important” bugs and hundreds of “normal” and less important ones.

Likewise, BeOS (which I’ll get to in a minute) has its own bug database (http://www.be.com/developers/bugs/index.html)
with its own classification system, including such categories as “Not a Bug,” “Ac-
knowledged Feature,” and “Will Not Fix.” Some of the “bugs” here are nothing more
than Be hackers blowing off steam, and are classified as “Input Acknowledged.” For
example, I found one that was posted on December 30th, 1998. It’s in the middle
of a long list of bugs, wedged between one entitled “Mouse working in very strange
fashion” and another called “Change of BView frame does not affect, if BView not
attached to a BWindow.”

This one is entitled
R4: BeOS missing megalomaniacal figurehead to harness and focus developer rage
and it goes like this:

—————————-

Be Status: Input Acknowledged BeOS Version: R3.2 Component: unknown

Full Description:

The BeOS needs a megalomaniacal egomaniac sitting on its throne to give it a human character which everyone loves to hate. Without this, the BeOS will languish in the impersonifiable realm of OSs that people can never quite get a handle on. You can judge the success of an OS not by the quality of its features, but by how infamous and disliked the leaders behind them are.

I believe this is a side-effect of developer comraderie under miserable conditions. After all, misery loves company. I believe that making the BeOS less conceptually accessible and far less reliable will require developers to band together, thus developing the kind of community where strangers talk to one- another, kind of like at a grocery store before a huge snowstorm.

Following this same program, it will likely be necessary to move the BeOS headquarters to a far-less-comfortable climate. General environmental discomfort will breed this attitude within and there truly is no greater recipe for success. I would suggest Seattle, but I think it’s already taken. You might try Washington, DC, but definitely not somewhere like San Diego or Tucson.

—————————-

Unfortunately, the Be bug reporting system strips off the names of the people who
report the bugs (to protect them from retribution!?) and so I don’t know who wrote
this.

So it would appear that I’m in the middle of crowing about the technical and moral
superiority of Debian Linux. But as almost always happens in the OS world, it’s more
complicated than that. I have Windows NT running on another machine, and the other
day (Jan. 1999), when I had a problem with it, I decided to have another go at Mi-
crosoft Support. This time the search engine actually worked (though in order to reach
it I had to identify myself as “advanced”). And instead of coughing up some useless
FAQ, it located about two hundred documents (I was using very vague search criteria)
that were obviously bug reports–though they were called something else. Microsoft,
in other words, has got a system up and running that is functionally equivalent to De-
bian’s bug database. It looks and feels different, of course, but it contains technical
nitty-gritty and makes no bones about the existence of errors.

As I’ve explained, selling OSes for money is a basically untenable position, and
the only way Apple and Microsoft can get away with it is by pursuing technological
advancements as aggressively as they can, and by getting people to believe in, and to
pay for, a particular image: in the case of Apple, that of the creative free thinker, and

45

15 MEMENTO MORI

in the case of Microsoft, that of the respectable techno-bourgeois. Just like Disney,
they’re making money from selling an interface, a magic mirror. It has to be polished
and seamless or else the whole illusion is ruined and the business plan vanishes like a
mirage.

Accordingly, it was the case until recently that the people who wrote manuals
and created customer support websites for commercial OSes seemed to have been
barred, by their employers’ legal or PR departments, from admitting, even obliquely,
that the software might contain bugs or that the interface might be suffering from the
blinking twelve problem. They couldn’t address users’ actual difficulties. The manuals
and websites were therefore useless, and caused even technically self-assured users to
wonder whether they were going subtly insane.

When Apple engages in this sort of corporate behavior, one wants to believe that
they are really trying their best. We all want to give Apple the benefit of the doubt,
because mean old Bill Gates kicked the crap out of them, and because they have good
PR. But when Microsoft does it, one almost cannot help becoming a paranoid conspir-
acist. Obviously they are hiding something from us! And yet they are so powerful!
They are trying to drive us crazy!

This approach to dealing with one’s customers was straight out of the Central Eu-
ropean totalitarianism of the mid-Twentieth Century. The adjectives “Kafkaesque” and
“Orwellian” come to mind. It couldn’t last, any more than the Berlin Wall could, and
so now Microsoft has a publicly available bug database. It’s called something else, and
it takes a while to find it, but it’s there.

They have, in other words, adapted to the two-tiered Eloi/Morlock structure of
technological society. If you’re an Eloi you install Windows, follow the instructions,
hope for the best, and dumbly suffer when it breaks. If you’re a Morlock you go to the
website, tell it that you are “advanced,” find the bug database, and get the truth straight
from some anonymous Microsoft engineer.

But once Microsoft has taken this step, it raises the question, once again, of whether
there is any point to being in the OS business at all. Customers might be willing to pay
$95 to report a problem to Microsoft if, in return, they get some advice that no other
user is getting. This has the useful side effect of keeping the users alienated from one
another, which helps maintain the illusion that bugs are rare aberrations. But once the
results of those bug reports become openly available on the Microsoft website, every-
thing changes. No one is going to cough up $95 to report a problem when chances are
good that some other sucker will do it first, and that instructions on how to fix the bug
will then show up, for free, on a public website. And as the size of the bug database
grows, it eventually becomes an open admission, on Microsoft’s part, that their OSes
have just as many bugs as their competitors’. There is no shame in that; as I mentioned,
Debian’s bug database has logged 32,000 reports so far. But it puts Microsoft on an
equal footing with the others and makes it a lot harder for their customers–who want
to believe–to believe.

15 MEMENTO MORI

Once the Linux machine has finished spitting out its jargonic opening telegram, it
prompts me to log in with a user name and a password. At this point the machine is

46

15 MEMENTO MORI

still running the command line interface, with white letters on a black screen. There
are no windows, menus, or buttons. It does not respond to the mouse; it doesn’t even
know that the mouse is there. It is still possible to run a lot of software at this point.
Emacs, for example, exists in both a CLI and a GUI version (actually there are two GUI
versions, reflecting some sort of doctrinal schism between Richard Stallman and some
hackers who got fed up with him). The same is true of many other Unix programs.
Many don’t have a GUI at all, and many that do are capable of running from the
command line.

Of course, since my computer only has one monitor screen, I can only see one
command line, and so you might think that I could only interact with one program at
a time. But if I hold down the Alt key and then hit the F2 function button at the top
of my keyboard, I am presented with a fresh, blank, black screen with a login prompt
at the top of it. I can log in here and start some other program, then hit Alt-F1 and go
back to the first screen, which is still doing whatever it was when I left it. Or I can
do Alt-F3 and log in to a third screen, or a fourth, or a fifth. On one of these screens
I might be logged in as myself, on another as root (the system administrator), on yet
another I might be logged on to some other computer over the Internet.

Each of these screens is called, in Unix-speak, a tty, which is an abbreviation
for teletype. So when I use my Linux system in this way I am going right back to
that small room at Ames High School where I first wrote code twenty-five years ago,
except that a tty is quieter and faster than a teletype, and capable of running vastly
superior software, such as emacs or the GNU development tools.

It is easy (easy by Unix, not Apple/Microsoft standards) to configure a Linux ma-
chine so that it will go directly into a GUI when you boot it up. This way, you never
see a tty screen at all. I still have mine boot into the white-on-black teletype screen
however, as a computational memento mori. It used to be fashionable for a writer to
keep a human skull on his desk as a reminder that he was mortal, that all about him was
vanity. The tty screen reminds me that the same thing is true of slick user interfaces.

The X Windows System, which is the GUI of Unix, has to be capable of running on
hundreds of different video cards with different chipsets, amounts of onboard memory,
and motherboard buses. Likewise, there are hundreds of different types of monitors on
the new and used market, each with different specifications, and so there are probably
upwards of a million different possible combinations of card and monitor. The only
thing they all have in common is that they all work in VGA mode, which is the old
command-line screen that you see for a few seconds when you launch Windows. So
Linux always starts in VGA, with a teletype interface, because at first it has no idea
what sort of hardware is attached to your computer. In order to get beyond the glass
teletype and into the GUI, you have to tell Linux exactly what kinds of hardware you
have. If you get it wrong, you’ll get a blank screen at best, and at worst you might
actually destroy your monitor by feeding it signals it can’t handle.

When I started using Linux this had to be done by hand. I once spent the better
part of a month trying to get an oddball monitor to work for me, and filled the better
part of a composition book with increasingly desperate scrawled notes. Nowadays,
most Linux distributions ship with a program that automatically scans the video card
and self-configures the system, so getting X Windows up and running is nearly as
easy as installing an Apple/Microsoft GUI. The crucial information goes into a file (an
ASCII text file, naturally) called XF86Config, which is worth looking at even if your

47

15 MEMENTO MORI

distribution creates it for you automatically. For most people it looks like meaningless
cryptic incantations, which is the whole point of looking at it. An Apple/Microsoft
system needs to have the same information in order to launch its GUI, but it’s apt to
be deeply hidden somewhere, and it’s probably in a file that can’t even be opened and
read by a text editor. All of the important files that make Linux systems work are right
out in the open. They are always ASCII text files, so you don’t need special tools to
read them. You can look at them any time you want, which is good, and you can mess
them up and render your system totally dysfunctional, which is not so good.

At any rate, assuming that my XF86Config file is just so, I enter the command
“startx” to launch the X Windows System. The screen blanks out for a minute, the
monitor makes strange twitching noises, then reconstitutes itself as a blank gray desk-
top with a mouse cursor in the middle. At the same time it is launching a window
manager. X Windows is pretty low-level software; it provides the infrastructure for
a GUI, and it’s a heavy industrial infrastructure. But it doesn’t do windows. That’s
handled by another category of application that sits atop X Windows, called a window
manager. Several of these are available, all free of course. The classic is twm (Tom’s
Window Manager) but there is a smaller and supposedly more efficient variant of it
called fvwm, which is what I use. I have my eye on a completely different window
manager called Enlightenment, which may be the hippest single technology product I
have ever seen, in that (a) it is for Linux, (b) it is freeware, (c) it is being developed by
a very small number of obsessed hackers, and (d) it looks amazingly cool; it is the sort
of window manager that might show up in the backdrop of an Aliens movie.

Anyway, the window manager acts as an intermediary between X Windows and
whatever software you want to use. It draws the window frames, menus, and so on,
while the applications themselves draw the actual content in the windows. The appli-
cations might be of any sort: text editors, Web browsers, graphics packages, or utility
programs, such as a clock or calculator. In other words, from this point on, you feel
as if you have been shunted into a parallel universe that is quite similar to the familiar
Apple or Microsoft one, but slightly and pervasively different. The premier graphics
program under Apple/Microsoft is Adobe Photoshop, but under Linux it’s something
called The GIMP. Instead of the Microsoft Office Suite, you can buy something called
ApplixWare. Many commercial software packages, such as Mathematica, Netscape
Communicator, and Adobe Acrobat, are available in Linux versions, and depending
on how you set up your window manager you can make them look and behave just as
they would under MacOS or Windows.

But there is one type of window you’ll see on Linux GUI that is rare or nonexistent
under other OSes. These windows are called “xterm” and contain nothing but lines of
text–this time, black text on a white background, though you can make them be differ-
ent colors if you choose. Each xterm window is a separate command line interface–a
tty in a window. So even when you are in full GUI mode, you can still talk to your
Linux machine through a command-line interface.

There are many good pieces of Unix software that do not have GUIs at all. This
might be because they were developed before X Windows was available, or because
the people who wrote them did not want to suffer through all the hassle of creating
a GUI, or because they simply do not need one. In any event, those programs can
be invoked by typing their names into the command line of an xterm window. The
whoami command, mentioned earlier, is a good example. There is another called wc

48

15 MEMENTO MORI

(“word count”) which simply returns the number of lines, words, and characters in a
text file.

The ability to run these little utility programs on the command line is a great virtue
of Unix, and one that is unlikely to be duplicated by pure GUI operating systems. The
wc command, for example, is the sort of thing that is easy to write with a command line
interface. It probably does not consist of more than a few lines of code, and a clever
programmer could probably write it in a single line. In compiled form it takes up just
a few bytes of disk space. But the code required to give the same program a graphical
user interface would probably run into hundreds or even thousands of lines, depending
on how fancy the programmer wanted to make it. Compiled into a runnable piece of
software, it would have a large overhead of GUI code. It would be slow to launch and
it would use up a lot of memory. This would simply not be worth the effort, and so
“wc” would never be written as an independent program at all. Instead users would
have to wait for a word count feature to appear in a commercial software package.

GUIs tend to impose a large overhead on every single piece of software, even
the smallest, and this overhead completely changes the programming environment.
Small utility programs are no longer worth writing. Their functions, instead, tend
to get swallowed up into omnibus software packages. As GUIs get more complex,
and impose more and more overhead, this tendency becomes more pervasive, and the
software packages grow ever more colossal; after a point they begin to merge with
each other, as Microsoft Word and Excel and PowerPoint have merged into Microsoft
Office: a stupendous software Wal-Mart sitting on the edge of a town filled with tiny
shops that are all boarded up.

It is an unfair analogy, because when a tiny shop gets boarded up it means that
some small shopkeeper has lost his business. Of course nothing of the kind happens
when “wc” becomes subsumed into one of Microsoft Word’s countless menu items.
The only real drawback is a loss of flexibility for the user, but it is a loss that most
customers obviously do not notice or care about. The most serious drawback to the
Wal-Mart approach is that most users only want or need a tiny fraction of what is
contained in these giant software packages. The remainder is clutter, dead weight.
And yet the user in the next cubicle over will have completely different opinions as to
what is useful and what isn’t.

The other important thing to mention, here, is that Microsoft has included a gen-
uinely cool feature in the Office package: a Basic programming package. Basic is the
first computer language that I learned, back when I was using the paper tape and the
teletype. By using the version of Basic that comes with Office you can write your own
little utility programs that know how to interact with all of the little doohickeys, gew-
gaws, bells, and whistles in Office. Basic is easier to use than the languages typically
employed in Unix command-line programming, and Office has reached many, many
more people than the GNU tools. And so it is quite possible that this feature of Office
will, in the end, spawn more hacking than GNU.

But now I’m talking about application software, not operating systems. And as
I’ve said, Microsoft’s application software tends to be very good stuff. I don’t use it
very much, because I am nowhere near their target market. If Microsoft ever makes
a software package that I use and like, then it really will be time to dump their stock,
because I am a market segment of one.

49

16 GEEK FATIGUE

16 GEEK FATIGUE

Over the years that I’ve been working with Linux I have filled three and a half note-
books logging my experiences. I only begin writing things down when I’m doing
something complicated, like setting up X Windows or fooling around with my Internet
connection, and so these notebooks contain only the record of my struggles and frus-
trations. When things are going well for me, I’ll work along happily for many months
without jotting down a single note. So these notebooks make for pretty bleak reading.
Changing anything under Linux is a matter of opening up various of those little ASCII
text files and changing a word here and a character there, in ways that are extremely
significant to how the system operates.

Many of the files that control how Linux operates are nothing more than command
lines that became so long and complicated that not even Linux hackers could type
them correctly. When working with something as powerful as Linux, you can easily
devote a full half-hour to engineering a single command line. For example, the “find”
command, which searches your file system for files that match certain criteria, is fan-
tastically powerful and general. Its “man” is eleven pages long, and these are pithy
pages; you could easily expand them into a whole book. And if that is not complicated
enough in and of itself, you can always pipe the output of one Unix command to the
input of another, equally complicated one. The “pon” command, which is used to fire
up a PPP connection to the Internet, requires so much detailed information that it is
basically impossible to launch it entirely from the command line. Instead you abstract
big chunks of its input into three or four different files. You need a dialing script, which
is effectively a little program telling it how to dial the phone and respond to various
events; an options file, which lists up to about sixty different options on how the PPP
connection is to be set up; and a secrets file, giving information about your password.

Presumably there are godlike Unix hackers somewhere in the world who don’t
need to use these little scripts and options files as crutches, and who can simply pound
out fantastically complex command lines without making typographical errors and
without having to spend hours flipping through documentation. But I’m not one of
them. Like almost all Linux users, I depend on having all of those details hidden away
in thousands of little ASCII text files, which are in turn wedged into the recesses of the
Unix filesystem. When I want to change something about the way my system works,
I edit those files. I know that if I don’t keep track of every little change I’ve made, I
won’t be able to get your system back in working order after I’ve gotten it all messed
up. Keeping hand-written logs is tedious, not to mention kind of anachronistic. But
it’s necessary.

I probably could have saved myself a lot of headaches by doing business with a
company called Cygnus Support, which exists to provide assistance to users of free
software. But I didn’t, because I wanted to see if I could do it myself. The answer
turned out to be yes, but just barely. And there are many tweaks and optimizations that
I could probably make in my system that I have never gotten around to attempting,
partly because I get tired of being a Morlock some days, and partly because I am
afraid of fouling up a system that generally works well.

Though Linux works for me and many other users, its sheer power and generality
is its Achilles’ heel. If you know what you are doing, you can buy a cheap PC from any
computer store, throw away the Windows discs that come with it, turn it into a Linux

50

17 ETRE

system of mind-boggling complexity and power. You can hook it up to twelve other
Linux boxes and make it into part of a parallel computer. You can configure it so that
a hundred different people can be logged onto it at once over the Internet, via as many
modem lines, Ethernet cards, TCP/IP sockets, and packet radio links. You can hang
half a dozen different monitors off of it and play DOOM with someone in Australia
while tracking communications satellites in orbit and controlling your house’s lights
and thermostats and streaming live video from your web-cam and surfing the Net and
designing circuit boards on the other screens. But the sheer power and complexity
of the system–the qualities that make it so vastly technically superior to other OSes–
sometimes make it seem too formidable for routine day-to-day use.

Sometimes, in other words, I just want to go to Disneyland.
The ideal OS for me would be one that had a well-designed GUI that was easy to set

up and use, but that included terminal windows where I could revert to the command
line interface, and run GNU software, when it made sense. A few years ago, Be Inc.
invented exactly that OS. It is called the BeOS.

17 ETRE

Many people in the computer business have had a difficult time grappling with Be,
Incorporated, for the simple reason that nothing about it seems to make any sense
whatsoever. It was launched in late 1990, which makes it roughly contemporary with
Linux. From the beginning it has been devoted to creating a new operating system that
is, by design, incompatible with all the others (though, as we shall see, it is compatible
with Unix in some very important ways). If a definition of “celebrity” is someone who
is famous for being famous, then Be is an anti-celebrity. It is famous for not being
famous; it is famous for being doomed. But it has been doomed for an awfully long
time.

Be’s mission might make more sense to hackers than to other people. In order to
explain why I need to explain the concept of cruft, which, to people who write code,
is nearly as abhorrent as unnecessary repetition.

If you’ve been to San Francisco you may have seen older buildings that have un-
dergone “seismic upgrades,” which frequently means that grotesque superstructures of
modern steelwork are erected around buildings made in, say, a Classical style. When
new threats arrive–if we have an Ice Age, for example–additional layers of even more
high-tech stuff may be constructed, in turn, around these, until the original building
is like a holy relic in a cathedral–a shard of yellowed bone enshrined in half a ton of
fancy protective junk.

Analogous measures can be taken to keep creaky old operating systems working.
It happens all the time. Ditching an worn-out old OS ought to be simplified by the fact
that, unlike old buildings, OSes have no aesthetic or cultural merit that makes them
intrinsically worth saving. But it doesn’t work that way in practice. If you work with
a computer, you have probably customized your “desktop,” the environment in which
you sit down to work every day, and spent a lot of money on software that works
in that environment, and devoted much time to familiarizing yourself with how it all
works. This takes a lot of time, and time is money. As already mentioned, the desire
to have one’s interactions with complex technologies simplified through the interface,

51

17 ETRE

and to surround yourself with virtual tchotchkes and lawn ornaments, is natural and
pervasive–presumably a reaction against the complexity and formidable abstraction of
the computer world. Computers give us more choices than we really want. We prefer
to make those choices once, or accept the defaults handed to us by software companies,
and let sleeping dogs lie. But when an OS gets changed, all the dogs jump up and start
barking.

The average computer user is a technological antiquarian who doesn’t really like
things to change. He or she is like an urban professional who has just bought a charm-
ing fixer-upper and is now moving the furniture and knicknacks around, and reorga-
nizing the kitchen cupboards, so that everything’s just right. If it is necessary for a
bunch of engineers to scurry around in the basement shoring up the foundation so that
it can support the new cast-iron claw-foot bathtub, and snaking new wires and pipes
through the walls to supply modern appliances, why, so be it–engineers are cheap, at
least when millions of OS users split the cost of their services.

Likewise, computer users want to have the latest Pentium in their machines, and
to be able to surf the web, without messing up all the stuff that makes them feel as
if they know what the hell is going on. Sometimes this is actually possible. Adding
more RAM to your system is a good example of an upgrade that is not likely to screw
anything up.

Alas, very few upgrades are this clean and simple. Lawrence Lessig, the whilom
Special Master in the Justice Department’s antitrust suit against Microsoft, complained
that he had installed Internet Explorer on his computer, and in so doing, lost all of his
bookmarks–his personal list of signposts that he used to navigate through the maze of
the Internet. It was as if he’d bought a new set of tires for his car, and then, when
pulling away from the garage, discovered that, owing to some inscrutable side-effect,
every signpost and road map in the world had been destroyed. If he’s like most of us,
he had put a lot of work into compiling that list of bookmarks. This is only a small
taste of the sort of trouble that upgrades can cause. Crappy old OSes have value in
the basically negative sense that changing to new ones makes us wish we’d never been
born.

All of the fixing and patching that engineers must do in order to give us the benefits
of new technology without forcing us to think about it, or to change our ways, produces
a lot of code that, over time, turns into a giant clot of bubble gum, spackle, baling wire
and duct tape surrounding every operating system. In the jargon of hackers, it is called
“cruft.” An operating system that has many, many layers of it is described as “crufty.”
Hackers hate to do things twice, but when they see something crufty, their first impulse
is to rip it out, throw it away, and start anew.

If Mark Twain were brought back to San Francisco today and dropped into one
of these old seismically upgraded buildings, it would look just the same to him, with
all the doors and windows in the same places–but if he stepped outside, he wouldn’t
recognize it. And–if he’d been brought back with his wits intact–he might question
whether the building had been worth going to so much trouble to save. At some point,
one must ask the question: is this really worth it, or should we maybe just tear it down
and put up a good one? Should we throw another human wave of structural engineers
at stabilizing the Leaning Tower of Pisa, or should we just let the damn thing fall over
and build a tower that doesn’t suck?

Like an upgrade to an old building, cruft always seems like a good idea when the

52

17 ETRE

first layers of it go on–just routine maintenance, sound prudent management. This is
especially true if (as it were) you never look into the cellar, or behind the drywall.
But if you are a hacker who spends all his time looking at it from that point of view,
cruft is fundamentally disgusting, and you can’t avoid wanting to go after it with a
crowbar. Or, better yet, simply walk out of the building–let the Leaning Tower of Pisa
fall over–and go make a new one THAT DOESN’T LEAN.

For a long time it was obvious to Apple, Microsoft, and their customers that the
first generation of GUI operating systems was doomed, and that they would eventually
need to be ditched and replaced with completely fresh ones. During the late Eighties
and early Nineties, Apple launched a few abortive efforts to make fundamentally new
post-Mac OSes such as Pink and Taligent. When those efforts failed they launched
a new project called Copland which also failed. In 1997 they flirted with the idea of
acquiring Be, but instead they acquired Next, which has an OS called NextStep that is,
in effect, a variant of Unix. As these efforts went on, and on, and on, and failed and
failed and failed, Apple’s engineers, who were among the best in the business, kept
layering on the cruft. They were gamely trying to turn the little toaster into a multi-
tasking, Internet-savvy machine, and did an amazingly good job of it for a while–sort
of like a movie hero running across a jungle river by hopping across crocodiles’ backs.
But in the real world you eventually run out of crocodiles, or step on a really smart
one.

Speaking of which, Microsoft tackled the same problem in a considerably more
orderly way by creating a new OS called Windows NT, which is explicitly intended to
be a direct competitor of Unix. NT stands for “New Technology” which might be read
as an explicit rejection of cruft. And indeed, NT is reputed to be a lot less crufty than
what MacOS eventually turned into; at one point the documentation needed to write
code on the Mac filled something like 24 binders. Windows 95 was, and Windows 98
is, crufty because they have to be backward-compatible with older Microsoft OSes.
Linux deals with the cruft problem in the same way that Eskimos supposedly dealt
with senior citizens: if you insist on using old versions of Linux software, you will
sooner or later find yourself drifting through the Bering Straits on a dwindling ice floe.
They can get away with this because most of the software is free, so it costs nothing to
download up-to-date versions, and because most Linux users are Morlocks.

The great idea behind BeOS was to start from a clean sheet of paper and design
an OS the right way. And that is exactly what they did. This was obviously a good
idea from an aesthetic standpoint, but does not a sound business plan make. Some
people I know in the GNU/Linux world are annoyed with Be for going off on this
quixotic adventure when their formidable skills could have been put to work helping
to promulgate Linux.

Indeed, none of it makes sense until you remember that the founder of the com-
pany, Jean-Louis Gassee, is from France–a country that for many years maintained its
own separate and independent version of the English monarchy at a court in St. Ger-
maines, complete with courtiers, coronation ceremonies, a state religion and a foreign
policy. Now, the same annoying yet admirable stiff-neckedness that gave us the Jaco-
bites, the force de frappe, Airbus, and ARRET signs in Quebec, has brought us a really
cool operating system. I fart in your general direction, Anglo-Saxon pig-dogs!

To create an entirely new OS from scratch, just because none of the existing ones
was exactly right, struck me as an act of such colossal nerve that I felt compelled to

53

17 ETRE

support it. I bought a BeBox as soon as I could. The BeBox was a dual-processor
machine, powered by Motorola chips, made specifically to run the BeOS; it could not
run any other operating system. That’s why I bought it. I felt it was a way to burn
my bridges. Its most distinctive feature is two columns of LEDs on the front panel
that zip up and down like tachometers to convey a sense of how hard each processor
is working. I thought it looked cool, and besides, I reckoned that when the company
went out of business in a few months, my BeBox would be a valuable collector’s item.

Now it is about two years later and I am typing this on my BeBox. The LEDs (Das
Blinkenlights, as they are called in the Be community) flash merrily next to my right
elbow as I hit the keys. Be, Inc. is still in business, though they stopped making Be-
Boxes almost immediately after I bought mine. They made the sad, but probably quite
wise decision that hardware was a sucker’s game, and ported the BeOS to Macintoshes
and Mac clones. Since these used the same sort of Motorola chips that powered the
BeBox, this wasn’t especially hard.

Very soon afterwards, Apple strangled the Mac-clone makers and restored its hard-
ware monopoly. So, for a while, the only new machines that could run BeOS were
made by Apple.

By this point Be, like Spiderman with his Spider-sense, had developed a keen sense
of when they were about to get crushed like a bug. Even if they hadn’t, the notion of
being dependent on Apple–so frail and yet so vicious–for their continued existence
should have put a fright into anyone. Now engaged in their own crocodile-hopping
adventure, they ported the BeOS to Intel chips–the same chips used in Windows ma-
chines. And not a moment too soon, for when Apple came out with its new top-of-the-
line hardware, based on the Motorola G3 chip, they withheld the technical data that
Be’s engineers would need to make the BeOS run on those machines. This would have
killed Be, just like a slug between the eyes, if they hadn’t made the jump to Intel.

So now BeOS runs on an assortment of hardware that is almost incredibly motley:
BeBoxes, aging Macs and Mac orphan-clones, and Intel machines that are intended to
be used for Windows. Of course the latter type are ubiquitous and shockingly cheap
nowadays, so it would appear that Be’s hardware troubles are finally over. Some Ger-
man hackers have even come up with a Das Blinkenlights replacement: it’s a circuit
board kit that you can plug into PC-compatible machines running BeOS. It gives you
the zooming LED tachometers that were such a popular feature of the BeBox.

My BeBox is already showing its age, as all computers do after a couple of years,
and sooner or later I’ll probably have to replace it with an Intel machine. Even after
that, though, I will still be able to use it. Because, inevitably, someone has now ported
Linux to the BeBox.

At any rate, BeOS has an extremely well-thought-out GUI built on a technological
framework that is solid. It is based from the ground up on modern object-oriented
software principles. BeOS software consists of quasi-independent software entities
called objects, which communicate by sending messages to each other. The OS itself
is made up of such objects, and serves as a kind of post office or Internet that routes
messages to and fro, from object to object. The OS is multi-threaded, which means
that like all other modern OSes it can walk and chew gum at the same time; but it gives
programmers a lot of power over spawning and terminating threads, or independent
sub-processes. It is also a multi-processing OS, which means that it is inherently good
at running on computers that have more than one CPU (Linux and Windows NT can

54

17 ETRE

also do this proficiently).
For this user, a big selling point of BeOS is the built-in Terminal application, which

enables you to open up windows that are equivalent to the xterm windows in Linux.
In other words, the command line interface is available if you want it. And because
BeOS hews to a certain standard called POSIX, it is capable of running most of the
GNU software. That is to say that the vast array of command-line software developed
by the GNU crowd will work in BeOS terminal windows without complaint. This
includes the GNU development tools-the compiler and linker. And it includes all of
the handy little utility programs. I’m writing this using a modern sort of user-friendly
text editor called Pe, written by a Dutchman named Maarten Hekkelman, but when I
want to find out how long it is, I jump to a terminal window and run “wc.”

As is suggested by the sample bug report I quoted earlier, people who work for
Be, and developers who write code for BeOS, seem to be enjoying themselves more
than their counterparts in other OSes. They also seem to be a more diverse lot in
general. A couple of years ago I went to an auditorium at a local university to see
some representatives of Be put on a dog-and-pony show. I went because I assumed
that the place would be empty and echoing, and I felt that they deserved an audience
of at least one. In fact, I ended up standing in an aisle, for hundreds of students had
packed the place. It was like a rock concert. One of the two Be engineers on the
stage was a black man, which unfortunately is a very odd thing in the high-tech world.
The other made a ringing denunciation of cruft, and extolled BeOS for its cruft-free
qualities, and actually came out and said that in ten or fifteen years, when BeOS had
become all crufty like MacOS and Windows 95, it would be time to simply throw it
away and create a new OS from scratch. I doubt that this is an official Be, Inc. policy,
but it sure made a big impression on everyone in the room! During the late Eighties, the
MacOS was, for a time, the OS of cool people-artists and creative-minded hackers-and
BeOS seems to have the potential to attract the same crowd now. Be mailing lists are
crowded with hackers with names like Vladimir and Olaf and Pierre, sending flames
to each other in fractured techno-English.

The only real question about BeOS is whether or not it is doomed.
Of late, Be has responded to the tiresome accusation that they are doomed with the

assertion that BeOS is “a media operating system” made for media content creators,
and hence is not really in competition with Windows at all. This is a little bit disingen-
uous. To go back to the car dealership analogy, it is like the Batmobile dealer claiming
that he is not really in competition with the others because his car can go three times
as fast as theirs and is also capable of flying.

Be has an office in Paris, and, as mentioned, the conversation on Be mailing lists
has a strongly European flavor. At the same time they have made strenuous efforts to
find a niche in Japan, and Hitachi has recently begun bundling BeOS with their PCs.
So if I had to make wild guess I’d say that they are playing Go while Microsoft is
playing chess. They are staying clear, for now, of Microsoft’s overwhelmingly strong
position in North America. They are trying to get themselves established around the
edges of the board, as it were, in Europe and Japan, where people may be more open
to alternative OSes, or at least more hostile to Microsoft, than they are in the United
States.

What holds Be back in this country is that the smart people are afraid to look like
suckers. You run the risk of looking naive when you say “I’ve tried the BeOS and

55

18 MINDSHARE

here’s what I think of it.” It seems much more sophisticated to say “Be’s chances of
carving out a new niche in the highly competitive OS market are close to nil.”

It is, in techno-speak, a problem of mindshare. And in the OS business, mindshare
is more than just a PR issue; it has direct effects on the technology itself. All of the
peripheral gizmos that can be hung off of a personal computer–the printers, scanners,
PalmPilot interfaces, and Lego Mindstorms–require pieces of software called drivers.
Likewise, video cards and (to a lesser extent) monitors need drivers. Even the different
types of motherboards on the market relate to the OS in different ways, and separate
code is required for each one. All of this hardware-specific code must not only written
but also tested, debugged, upgraded, maintained, and supported. Because the hardware
market has become so vast and complicated, what really determines an OS’s fate is not
how good the OS is technically, or how much it costs, but rather the availability of
hardware-specific code. Linux hackers have to write that code themselves, and they
have done an amazingly good job of keeping up to speed. Be, Inc. has to write all their
own drivers, though as BeOS has begun gathering momentum, third-party developers
have begun to contribute drivers, which are available on Be’s web site.

But Microsoft owns the high ground at the moment, because it doesn’t have to
write its own drivers. Any hardware maker bringing a new video card or periph-
eral device to market today knows that it will be unsalable unless it comes with the
hardware-specific code that will make it work under Windows, and so each hardware
maker has accepted the burden of creating and maintaining its own library of drivers.

18 MINDSHARE

The U.S. Government’s assertion that Microsoft has a monopoly in the OS market
might be the most patently absurd claim ever advanced by the legal mind. Linux,
a technically superior operating system, is being given away for free, and BeOS is
available at a nominal price. This is simply a fact, which has to be accepted whether
or not you like Microsoft.

Microsoft is really big and rich, and if some of the government’s witnesses are to
be believed, they are not nice guys. But the accusation of a monopoly simply does not
make any sense.

What is really going on is that Microsoft has seized, for the time being, a certain
type of high ground: they dominate in the competition for mindshare, and so any
hardware or software maker who wants to be taken seriously feels compelled to make
a product that is compatible with their operating systems. Since Windows-compatible
drivers get written by the hardware makers, Microsoft doesn’t have to write them; in
effect, the hardware makers are adding new components to Windows, making it a more
capable OS, without charging Microsoft for the service. It is a very good position to be
in. The only way to fight such an opponent is to have an army of highly competetent
coders who write equivalent drivers for free, which Linux does.

But possession of this psychological high ground is different from a monopoly in
any normal sense of that word, because here the dominance has nothing to do with
technical performance or price. The old robber-baron monopolies were monopolies
because they physically controlled means of production and/or distribution. But in the
software business, the means of production is hackers typing code, and the means of

56

18 MINDSHARE

distribution is the Internet, and no one is claiming that Microsoft controls those.
Here, instead, the dominance is inside the minds of people who buy software.

Microsoft has power because people believe it does. This power is very real. It makes
lots of money. Judging from recent legal proceedings in both Washingtons, it would
appear that this power and this money have inspired some very peculiar executives to
come out and work for Microsoft, and that Bill Gates should have administered saliva
tests to some of them before issuing them Microsoft ID cards.

But this is not the sort of power that fits any normal definition of the word “monopoly,”
and it’s not amenable to a legal fix. The courts may order Microsoft to do things differ-
ently. They might even split the company up. But they can’t really do anything about
a mindshare monopoly, short of taking every man, woman, and child in the developed
world and subjecting them to a lengthy brainwashing procedure.

Mindshare dominance is, in other words, a really odd sort of beast, something
that the framers of our antitrust laws couldn’t possibly have imagined. It looks like
one of these modern, wacky chaos-theory phenomena, a complexity thing, in which a
whole lot of independent but connected entities (the world’s computer users), making
decisions on their own, according to a few simple rules of thumb, generate a large
phenomenon (total domination of the market by one company) that cannot be made
sense of through any kind of rational analysis. Such phenomena are fraught with
concealed tipping-points and all a-tangle with bizarre feedback loops, and cannot be
understood; people who try, end up (a) going crazy, (b) giving up, (c) forming crackpot
theories, or (d) becoming high-paid chaos theory consultants.

Now, there might be one or two people at Microsoft who are dense enough to
believe that mindshare dominance is some kind of stable and enduring position. Maybe
that even accounts for some of the weirdos they’ve hired in the pure-business end of the
operation, the zealots who keep getting hauled into court by enraged judges. But most
of them must have the wit to understand that phenomena like these are maddeningly
unstable, and that there’s no telling what weird, seemingly inconsequential event might
cause the system to shift into a radically different configuration.

To put it another way, Microsoft can be confident that Thomas Penfield Jackson
will not hand down an order that the brains of everyone in the developed world are to
be summarily re-programmed. But there’s no way to predict when people will decide,
en masse, to re-program their own brains. This might explain some of Microsoft’s
behavior, such as their policy of keeping eerily large reserves of cash sitting around,
and the extreme anxiety that they display whenever something like Java comes along.

I have never seen the inside of the building at Microsoft where the top executives
hang out, but I have this fantasy that in the hallways, at regular intervals, big red
alarm boxes are bolted to the wall. Each contains a large red button protected by a
windowpane. A metal hammer dangles on a chain next to it. Above is a big sign
reading:

IN THE EVENT OF A CRASH IN MARKET SHARE, BREAK GLASS

What happens when someone shatters the glass and hits the button, I don’t know,
but it sure would be interesting to find out. One imagines banks collapsing all over
the world as Microsoft withdraws its cash reserves, and shrink-wrapped pallet-loads of
hundred-dollar bills dropping from the skies. No doubt, Microsoft has a plan. But what

57

19 THE RIGHT PINKY OF GOD

I would really like to know is whether, at some level, their programmers might heave
a big sigh of relief if the burden of writing the One Universal Interface to Everything
were suddenly lifted from their shoulders.

19 THE RIGHT PINKY OF GOD

In his book The Life of the Cosmos, which everyone should read, Lee Smolin gives the
best description I’ve ever read of how our universe emerged from an uncannily precise
balancing of different fundamental constants. The mass of the proton, the strength
of gravity, the range of the weak nuclear force, and a few dozen other fundamental
constants completely determine what sort of universe will emerge from a Big Bang.
If these values had been even slightly different, the universe would have been a vast
ocean of tepid gas or a hot knot of plasma or some other basically uninteresting thing–
a dud, in other words. The only way to get a universe that’s not a dud–that has stars,
heavy elements, planets, and life–is to get the basic numbers just right. If there were
some machine, somewhere, that could spit out universes with randomly chosen values
for their fundamental constants, then for every universe like ours it would produce
10229 duds.

Though I haven’t sat down and run the numbers on it, to me this seems comparable
to the probability of making a Unix computer do something useful by logging into a
tty and typing in command lines when you have forgotten all of the little options and
keywords. Every time your right pinky slams that ENTER key, you are making another
try. In some cases the operating system does nothing. In other cases it wipes out all
of your files. In most cases it just gives you an error message. In other words, you
get many duds. But sometimes, if you have it all just right, the computer grinds away
for a while and then produces something like emacs. It actually generates complexity,
which is Smolin’s criterion for interestingness.

Not only that, but it’s beginning to look as if, once you get below a certain size–
way below the level of quarks, down into the realm of string theory–the universe can’t
be described very well by physics as it has been practiced since the days of Newton. If
you look at a small enough scale, you see processes that look almost computational in
nature.

I think that the message is very clear here: somewhere outside of and beyond our
universe is an operating system, coded up over incalculable spans of time by some kind
of hacker-demiurge. The cosmic operating system uses a command-line interface. It
runs on something like a teletype, with lots of noise and heat; punched-out bits flutter
down into its hopper like drifting stars. The demiurge sits at his teletype, pounding
out one command line after another, specifying the values of fundamental constants of
physics:

universe -G 6.672e-11 -e 1.602e-19 -h 6.626e-34 -protonmass 1.673e-27….

and when he’s finished typing out the command line, his right pinky hesitates above
the ENTER key for an aeon or two, wondering what’s going to happen; then down it
comes–and the WHACK you hear is another Big Bang.

58

19 THE RIGHT PINKY OF GOD

Now THAT is a cool operating system, and if such a thing were actually made
available on the Internet (for free, of course) every hacker in the world would download
it right away and then stay up all night long messing with it, spitting out universes
right and left. Most of them would be pretty dull universes but some of them would
be simply amazing. Because what those hackers would be aiming for would be much
more ambitious than a universe that had a few stars and galaxies in it. Any run-of-the-
mill hacker would be able to do that. No, the way to gain a towering reputation on the
Internet would be to get so good at tweaking your command line that your universes
would spontaneously develop life. And once the way to do that became common
knowledge, those hackers would move on, trying to make their universes develop the
right kind of life, trying to find the one change in the Nth decimal place of some
physical constant that would give us an Earth in which, say, Hitler had been accepted
into art school after all, and had ended up his days as a street artist with cranky political
opinions.

Even if that fantasy came true, though, most users (including myself, on certain
days) wouldn’t want to bother learning to use all of those arcane commands, and strug-
gling with all of the failures; a few dud universes can really clutter up your basement.
After we’d spent a while pounding out command lines and hitting that ENTER key
and spawning dull, failed universes, we would start to long for an OS that would go all
the way to the opposite extreme: an OS that had the power to do everything–to live our
life for us. In this OS, all of the possible decisions we could ever want to make would
have been anticipated by clever programmers, and condensed into a series of dialog
boxes. By clicking on radio buttons we could choose from among mutually exclu-
sive choices (HETEROSEXUAL/HOMOSEXUAL). Columns of check boxes would
enable us to select the things that we wanted in our life (GET MARRIED/WRITE
GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL) and for more complicated options we could fill in lit-
tle text boxes (NUMBER OF DAUGHTERS: NUMBER OF SONS:).

Even this user interface would begin to look awfully complicated after a while,
with so many choices, and so many hidden interactions between choices. It could
become damn near unmanageable–the blinking twelve problem all over again. The
people who brought us this operating system would have to provide templates and
wizards, giving us a few default lives that we could use as starting places for designing
our own. Chances are that these default lives would actually look pretty damn good to
most people, good enough, anyway, that they’d be reluctant to tear them open and mess
around with them for fear of making them worse. So after a few releases the software
would begin to look even simpler: you would boot it up and it would present you with
a dialog box with a single large button in the middle labeled: LIVE. Once you had
clicked that button, your life would begin. If anything got out of whack, or failed to
meet your expectations, you could complain about it to Microsoft’s Customer Support
Department. If you got a flack on the line, he or she would tell you that your life was
actually fine, that there was not a thing wrong with it, and in any event it would be
a lot better after the next upgrade was rolled out. But if you persisted, and identified
yourself as Advanced, you might get through to an actual engineer.

What would the engineer say, after you had explained your problem, and enumer-
ated all of the dissatisfactions in your life? He would probably tell you that life is a
very hard and complicated thing; that no interface can change that; that anyone who
believes otherwise is a sucker; and that if you don’t like having choices made for you,

59

19 THE RIGHT PINKY OF GOD

you should start making your own.

60

Published by admin

View all posts by admin